Destined to be alone

[AMQ00004]

I am beginning to feel like I am destined to be alone.
Im a single mum and my son is predominantly with me, his dad is military so works away and my parents are out of the country. I have limited help from his other gran.
I’ve been single for two years. I’ve tried online dating but it’s really draining. I look after myself, I have a decent social life, I’ve got a good job but I can’t seem to meet anyone who wants to stick about. And I’m sick of going to the effort ti get dressed up, get my son looked after and spending money just for someone to suddenly go quiet or decide they’re not in a place to date. It’s tough and it’s hard not to internalise that.

tips please! Or someone just to tell me there’s light at the end of the tunnel because I’m not sure I can endure much more

Take a break and see how you feel in the new year. OLD can be super draining and demoralising, so take a break and focus on yourself and your son for a bit.

Concentrate on your boy for a bit and in the new year take up some interests? If you look to develop new social situations you have a chance of meeting someone with whom you have things in common. There are also single parent dating sites too. Gingerbread I think one is called. Don't give up on yourself. Be kind to you and your boy. Loneliness is an awful thing but you can work towards that in the new year. I hope you both have a fabulous Christmas. Be a mighty gal in the new year as you both move into your amazing life together.🌲

Thank you for your replies.
Im just feeling lonely and probably being a little dramatic. I will take a break and see what happens in the new year.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it x

I think it's important to learn to accept that you may well be single forever. Once you've accepted that, instead of constantly looking and feeling incomplete because you're not part of a couple, you will begin to make a good fulfilled life for yourself and for your son , and start to feel that you are absolutely enough on your own.
It may be that in the future the right person may come into your life or they may not, but if you can learn to be happy and fulfilled on your own, finding someone would be an incidental, not the main part of your life.
I was widowed in my thirties with 2 small children, now 60. I never had another relationship and that's been perfectly fine. I wasn't interested for years, occasionally I thought about it but I had so many requirements that I knew the man wouldn't exist in real life. I was particularly against bringing another man into my children's lives and knew I could not bring half siblings into their lives either, and I knew myself well enough to know that I could not stand another man's children or to have to deal with an ex wife either. I also knew I could never again live with a man.
My children had strong male role models in the form of uncles and grandfathers and I had huge amounts of emotional support from family which I couldn't have done without.
My children are now successful adults in their thirties, married and one has children and we are all very close.

Thank you for sharing that.

I think I’m feeling so low about it because I am in my early thirties and I’m scared of being alone and what others think. But actually that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I raise a happy child, and I think I’m managing that. X

It is sometimes scary being alone, and the weight of being fully responsible for a child's well being and for running a household alone can weigh heavy.
However, I can tell you that there is great pride and satisfaction at doing things yourself, eg when I was widowed in my early thirties I'd never used a drill or a saw or and I didn't know how to put up shelves or curtain poles. But I got a DIY book and learned to do them, I wanted to be independent, my dad naturally wanted to do that kind of thing for me but I wanted to do everything for myself. I actually turned out to be really good at DIY, did all my own decorating, made all curtains and blinds, changed all light switches and plug sockets, laid paths and patios etc, a lot of which I'd never have done if I hadn't been on my own.
Also as your child grows and you can see him doing well, being happy and you know that's down to you and your good parenting, that's a great feeling. It can be hard being one parent playing the role of 2( sounds like his father isn't having much input) but remember you on your own will be more than enough for your son.
Also who cares what anyone else thinks. It's sadly not unusual these days to be divorced, what is sad in my opinion, is the number of women who very quickly jump into another relationship because they don't want to be alone, often that relationship fails and the children do suffer.

Yeah maybe focus on raising your son if you can and leave the romance to later. A lot of people are looking for baggage free love interests… and also your new love interest will
always come second to your child anyway.