Is it asking to much

[Myhearthurts11]

I am so confused I have been in a relationship for 8 years with this guy and his actions and patterns have changed slightly. I need reassurance that he still wants me and loves me I am 46 I don’t want to waste time if he has had a change of heart. He blames me cause I ask questions or assume and I tell him to reassure me somehow so I don’t have to feel this way Wouldn’t be easier to invest in trying to do that then to blame me

What is he blaming you for? And what are you assuming or asking questions about?

He is blaming me for nagging him on where he is after work he don’t come home on time has a hug unbelievable story when I say to him the lack of affection he has for me is very little maybe if he would work on it I wouldn’t feel that way but instantly he says it’s who I am and blames me

Well where is he after work, why should it be such a difficult question…

If this was my relationship, and things had changed, I would ask as you are doing. 8 years is a long while and it sounds like he is either having his head turned, trying to gaslight you so you get conditioned into not asking further, or ever again.

If he is no longer the man you met, not meeting your needs, then you do not own him your life. Dont get fooled into believing that you are crazy because that fits him at present.

Or, are you asking relentlessly? Or nagging?
Its such a bad communication style when a partner uses the nagging word to shut up a need to be in the know.
Only you know if he is fobbing you off.

What do you think is going on?

Exactly why does he get mad at me because I ask

OP its normal after so many years to ask how one is or why they seem late? Normal.
Its also normal for a partner to let you know if things change in his schedule.

if there are things in his behavior, new perfume, new clothes, gym, haircut, using new words, mentionitis, ignoring your needs, getting angry at you, these are signs.

There is something off for the fact the stories he tells me are super unbelievable and I know the guy and what times he gets off work. Recently my friend mentioned she seen him getting off work. They spoke a brief minute and he denied it said it never happened now she denies even telling me this I know better I am not making shit up in my head this took place she said I misunderstood her I am not questioning myself here

If his excuses for being late are far fetched it's most likely he's spinning you a story. But why would your friend tell you she saw him getting off work and then deny it? That's odd behaviour! Do you suspect he is meeting up with her?

Some men get defencive if they've got something to hide, some get defencive because they don't want to feel accountable to someone. But people only lie when they have something to hide. What other kids of stories have their been cause him and the freind are already a red flag

Yiu know its OK to be single right?

He's not making you happy. You are stressed because it seems he's a bullshit artist. Or if he's not, the trust is gone anyway.

What more do you need to leave? You don't need proof he's cheating. Or, for him to agree the relationship is over.

Just 'I'm not happy anymore so you're dumped, cheerybye'.

Stop trying yourself in knots and go. Give yourself permission to walk away from things that no longer make you happy.

So do you think he's cheating? If you've lost trust in him then you shouldn't continue the relationship. Are you happy for him to socialise with platonic friends and have his own individual hobbies? And he feels the same about you? It's important couples to also feel like they are individuals, but not at the expense of the others feelings. Are you really getting what you want out of the relationship? You don't need to stay if you're not.

Because he doesn’t want to answer.

And whatever the reason why he doesn’t want to is an issue in a LT relationship.

The fact his excuses are crazy/unbelievable just add to the picture of him thinking he can make you a fool.

Im sorry @Myhearthurts11 but I’d have the same questions, the same trust issues as you.
And imo if trust is breaking down so much, it’s not a good sign - esp as he shows no inclination to rebuild that trust.