Friend in abusive relationship

[Charliesmama09]

So last night I met up with my friends one of them has a new boyfriend who she’s only been with for about 2/3 weeks. She came with this boyfriend and showed me and my other friend her new tattoo and it was his name across her arm and he also had her name tattooed on his hand I obviously told her how ridiculous that is since they’re only in the getting to know each other stage. Then about an hour or so later i seen him trying to pass my other friend money I asked why he was giving her money and not giving it to his girlfriend he claimed he was just trying to cheer my other friend up then proceeded to keep buying me and my friend drinks and shots this just screams love bombing to me he tried so hard to make me and my friend like him but it just had the opposite affect on me I know a narcissist when I see one. Then a couple of hours later my other friend went home it was just me and my friend and her boyfriend she walked into the shop and I walked in behind her not long after I think we must have been in the shop for about 5 minutes before he came running in and started shouting in my face he grabbed me by the neck and assaulted me then he grabbed my friend and pulled her out the shop by her hair by the time I got out of the shop they were gone. Now she’s messaging me saying hes said to tell you hes sorry and making excuses for his behaviour saying he was just drunk and he’s a nice lad but I’ve done my research on him he mentally and psychically abused his children’s mother and abused his ex girlfriend assaulting her and her children and isn’t allowed around children at all the problem is my friend has 2 little boys I’d hate to find out hes laid his hands on them. How do i go about giving her the help she doesn’t want without causing her trouble with social services?

I'm afraid that getting her in trouble with the SS may be your only option. If he's on record as an abuser, but your friend won't believe he's a bad guy, then trying to help her won't go anywhere. Hopefully the SS would intervene to protect her DC

Honestly in this situation if I genuinely thought 2 children were at risk of harm I wouldn’t be worried about causing trouble with social services. Speak to her first if you want to, make sure she knows about his past, but after that if she doesn’t want to listen I’d have no worries reporting it, safeguarding children is everyone’s responsibility.

Send her the information you have that's he's abusive. Then if after a couple weeks she's not split with him make an anonymous SS refferal about HIM not her.

My ex was abusive and had a story to excuse everything. Not one friend told me they thought he had abusive vibes so when I had doubts I assumed it was just me because no one said anything. It's mad looking back but they get into your head and you don't trust your own judgment. A friend telling the truth will make a world of difference- especially as it's early days and possibly she's not too controlled yet. Tell her if she's unsure to do a Claire's law application to the police and add a comment that if she has no worries why would she not do it just to clear up your accusations.

Also when you make the SS refferal give them more than just name and address. My abusive ex gave a false DOB so his police check came back clear when i was trying to protect my kids. SS advised he have contact. Wasn't until court where I spotted the discrepancy they did a check that came back with a whole lost of horrors he had managed to hide from SS. I believe a lot of abusers know this trick

Very sorry this happened to you. You need to get those children away from the abuser, even if it gets her involved with SS and ends your friendship with her.

Call the police and report him for assault. It was in a shop so there is very likely CCTV footage. The shopkeeper will have witnessed it all and might already have reported him. If you have time go into a station. Are there bruises, scratches? Take photos and tell the police to take photos too. Make it very clear you want them to take action and you will support a prosecution. Tell them about his past and that there are children at risk. You can also contact the Claire's Law team Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Metropolitan Police.

Your friend will plead with you to drop it. Ignore her. She has been a fool. You need to be very firm about this.

Thank you everyone just updating I’ve spoken to her over messages and explained the things I’ve found out about him the worst one being assaulting an actual child she said “that was ages ago he isn’t like that anymore” hes got 2 kids of his own that’s he’s not allowed any contact with at all normally the social would atleast say supervised so he must be an actual wrongun to not be allowed to see them at all and not be allowed around any kids! then she sent me a video of scratches all over her neck and a black eye and stated she apparently can’t remember how she got them she knows fine well how she’s got them marks im 100 percent making some phone calls today regardless if it makes us fall out or not there’s no way im turning a blind eye to that man being around them kids

You're doing the right thing there @Charliesmama09 👏

Well done OP. You need to be the grown up as she clearly can't be. If the police can visit her whilst she's got the injuries they can try to get her seen by doctor as he might have done some damage. The shop CCTV will be a godsend.

I'd download/save/screenshot all chat, photos and videos incase she goes through and deletes things from the conversation.

Just hope she doesn't move him in with her before she realises how abusive he is, but if it's only been 3 weeks it's too early for that. Could you point out to her that as she has 2 DC it's best not to let him move in at all, though she might not even be thinking about it.

Report and step away.

I despair at fucking women who choose men like this.

She's actually choosing to stay with a man that beats her up, a man She's known for 2 weeks.

She has no justifiable reason to stay with him,unless she enjoys it !

@Charliesmama09 I expected your update with her saying the rubbish about him not being like that anymore. Three weeks in and he's already hurt her but she'd still rather believe him. Call the police and/or the SS Op, she's not going to protect her DC from him