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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scared and confused

15 replies

Foalma · 21/11/2024 05:34

Hi everyone

Im sorry to disturb you all but I dont know what to do and I'm so scared I cant sleep so here goes.....

Ive been with my partner for 2 years during that time we had a row at the start and he went into such a rage that he gave himself 2 black eyes and a few weeks ago I was going on holiday with my dd when he kicked off at me for going saying he was going to jump off a cliff and then said I was going to be arrested as I was a narracasist i was going to lose my dd etc all this was because I was going on holiday and he didn't like it, it ruined mine and my dd first holiday as I was to scared to go out anywhere and I couldn't call him as my phone didn't work it was our first holiday abroad, we got back and he said he had tried to over dose whilst we was away, now he just constantly has ago at me over silly things like I don't have facebook but now I've got to get facebook and I don't get why, I've never stopped him from doing anything he goes away with his kid all the time, does stuff all the time with them but if I try to do anything with my dd without him he kicks off its getting to the stage where I'm scared to leave the house unless it's to got to work or do the school run.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to get it off my chest

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 21/11/2024 05:37

What is stopping you from leaving your abuser?

Interlaken · 21/11/2024 05:37

Don’t give your life to this loser. You and your daughter deserve so much better

AdmiralCoconut · 21/11/2024 05:38

I almost never comment on the relationship board. But this is really controlling and abusive. You need to leave.

Iwilladmit · 21/11/2024 05:38

Hi OP - that sounds awful and very frightening for you. It doesn’t sound like he is a positive influence for you or you DD. What’s your living arrangement?

MaggieBsBoat · 21/11/2024 05:41

He. Is. Abusing. You.

The time to end this was approximately 2 years ago. Ending it today is better than ending it tomorrow. You are damaging both you and your child every extra day you stay.
Leave him. I’m sorry.

WarriorN · 21/11/2024 05:41

Please call women's aid today. This sounds extremely controlling

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 21/11/2024 05:41

Get out of your relationship and this situation now. It will only get worse.

If not for yourself, do it for your DD.

Original poster
Foalma · 21/11/2024 05:43

We don't live together he lives 3 hours away all this is done over the phone mainly

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 21/11/2024 05:53

Take a step back.
You are not a professional who can deal with suicide threats.
You care so just be yourself; you are not behaving unfairly.

Find him a mental health number or two for services local to him. Put them on his fridge.

Whenever he is in such a state, hang up and do not take it personally. Phone the Mental Health emergency unit yourself and have them do a Mental Health check at his address.

If he objects when you next see him, tell him you acted in his best interests and if it becomes too much for you, leave the relationship altogether with no guilty feelings.

He should be seeking expert mental health help for his ongoing problems.

Mumdiva99 · 21/11/2024 05:58

Do you have friends locally? If so please speak to one and tell them you are going to break up with him.
Then text him that you want to break up. Say You wish no further contact.
Then block his number. Straight away. Block his email. Block him on what app. Make sure your settings do not allow non contacts to message you.

Then be strong.

You owe him nothing.

You owe you and your child a life free of this bully. He doesn't love you. This is not OK.

If he contacts you please call the police and log it.

HappyToSmile · 21/11/2024 06:05

Putting your logical head on, why are you staying with him?
You're in a great place to leave if you don't live with him and are 3 hours away. You and your daughter can do so much better without him
Tell your friends what is going on and if he threatens to harm himself, call the authorities.

TwistedWonder · 21/11/2024 08:54

Foalma · 21/11/2024 05:43

We don't live together he lives 3 hours away all this is done over the phone mainly

That’s good news. Hes a controlling abusive cunt and every minute you stay with him you’re prolonging the abuse.

Tell him it’s over and block if you need to. The threats are just that - hollow threats and straight out of the abusers script.

Iwilladmit · 24/11/2024 10:00

Hey OP - how are you getting on?

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 24/11/2024 10:09

Mumdiva99 · 21/11/2024 05:58

Do you have friends locally? If so please speak to one and tell them you are going to break up with him.
Then text him that you want to break up. Say You wish no further contact.
Then block his number. Straight away. Block his email. Block him on what app. Make sure your settings do not allow non contacts to message you.

Then be strong.

You owe him nothing.

You owe you and your child a life free of this bully. He doesn't love you. This is not OK.

If he contacts you please call the police and log it.

You’re getting good advice on this thread, OP. Please don’t give him another moment of your time.

Original poster
Foalma · 24/11/2024 21:08

Thanks everyone I took your advice and am now free of the muppet thank you all so much you've all been a real help and helped me see what I already knew, he didn't take it well but now blocked and feel great thank you all x

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