Shattered and struggling - could use some words of wisdom

[26YearOldFailure]

I was seeing a guy for a couple of months, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. On the same day, he took it back, saying it felt rushed but he said he still wanted to spend time with me and go on dates etc. About a week later, he told me he wasn’t ready for anything serious, didn’t have the time to commit, and was struggling with his mental health. Today, my friend found his profile on Bumble which he had actually deleted whilst we were seeing eachother, where he says he’s “looking for a life partner.” I’ve blocked him and deleted his number, but I feel so embarrassed and humiliated. It’s clear his feelings for me weren’t deep at all (he told me he loved me), even though his actions had seemed to match his words up until this point.

I feel more angry than upset but I just don't know how to get past these horrible feelings. I feel like such a fool.

I'm sorry to hear this but this is no reflection on you. This is his problem and he has to live with him.

I wonder why he u-turned so quickly- maybe commitment issues.

You dodged a bullet x

Thank you. I also wonder why too but at the same time I'm trying not to think about it too much. I feel awful

Surely someone telling you that they love you after a couple of months sent up alarm signals?

He sounds incredibly immature and he'll continue to mess people around because he doesn't know what he wants.

You've failed to mention what you wanted. If you were looking for a boyfriend then why did you agree to carry on 'dating'? A couple of months is long enough to know if you want a relationship.

Next time have a clear idea of what you want and make it clear from the outset. Drop anyone blowing hot and cold (they're not into you) or who doesn't want the same thing.

Feel lucky he only messed you around for a couple of months.

I wanted something long-term and he also said that's what he wanted. I agreed to carry on dating purely because I thought giving it maybe a couple more weeks may have been better. Up until that point he had told me he wanted the same thing as me which is why I hadn't really questioned anything

Stick a pin in your emotions. Suck it up and chalk it down to experience. If he pulls his head out of his arse and wants you again then you will of ignored the window whereby it was obvious to the world but not yourself. You're risking what your heart wants when alls that matters is when it gets worse.

2kids in ring on your finger domestic incidents all suddenly your overwhelming daily life will all be your responsibility and your own fault! Trust me.

As I said. Pause your feeling. Get yourself on bumble! Revel in the instant beyond believe messages you will get. Endure that until you gain abit of self confidence, albeit not the best form, or great advice, it still works!! Just don't go through with thinking any of them are your new man to be!

By time you've got a boost from that you'll feel more confident and less mugged off using the same technique as him. Then feel smug and don't look back.

That's not about you, that sounds like someone struggling with some demons to be honest. Like he was in a bit of turmoil emotionally. Poor fella. Don't take it personally.

Ps "dating" means he either is or will next be found to of slept with someone else. Hopefully not someone you thought was a friend, wether it was or not, he will deffo use the easy excuse and then you'll deffo struggle with that if currently in need already

Realistically, anyone who tells you they love you, 2 month into dating is love bombing you. They're either an abuser or fucking mental with no respect for boundaries.

You should have ran like the wind when he said that.

I didn't really think much of it tbh as I thought you wouldn't consider entering a relationship with someone if you didn't feel that way

It's a bit difficult to not take it personally when I've "confroted" him and he's been so cold about it. A complete opposite to how be was prior. I'm glad I feel angry rather than upset though

Block him and move on. I guarantee you'll find a better man than this one. He's really not worth thinking about any more. He's not a great catch, just another insecure bloke.

Sorry about that OP. He's a bullshitter and sounds like a bit of a future faker leading you on. Or at best flakey, fart in a trance and changes his mind from day to day even simple things like down to what he wants for breakfast 😑

This kind of thing seems to go on a lot on dating apps. Why people think it's ok to lead others up the garden path rather than being straightforward.

Don't let it put you off dating though, you might come across more guys like him there are plenty of flakes on these apps. But there are ones who know what they want and who will communicate it well

I have blocked him and deleted his number! What makes you think he is insecure?

Thank you. Honestly feeling so deflated and I feel like I don't want a man to come near me ever again. I've had way more bad experiences than good and I feel like this may have been the final straw for me. I feel so humiliated and stupid for letting my guard down!

Everyone is insecure.

You will find someone, but you need to be strong - set standards and parameters and boundaries. I didn't know this at your age, and I wish I had.

If a man messes you around, then just block and move on. Do not accept any shit.

Love is something that grows organically over time. During a relationship. Not before it. Unless maybe they've known you a long time in some other capacity such as working beside you.

You don't know anyone at 2 months. So if they're telling you they love you, they're selling you a lie.

I think I understand how you feel....

When you're dating someone and let your guard down when they 'do you over' you feel like you dont want to ever let it down again through anger don't you
It makes you put walls up again doesn't it? Because you dont want to feel that humiliation, like they have the upper hand? So you swear to yourself you'll never let your guard down again ,but it's a catch 22 because you'll never date again unless you open yourself up but you don't want to for fear of experiencing more dissapointment 😑

Have your bad experiences been centred around dating in general or relationships?

Yes this is exactly how I am feeling tbh!! And yes, my bad experiences have all been in terms of dating, I've tried to be optimistic about it but I think I'm worn out

Just want to apologise for my post last night. It was blunt and brutal. Insensitive as it was, I bet it's what you're REAL loved ones have tried or are trying to tell you. It hurts when it's from them on top of rejection from him then some random stranger on top I feel bad but I bet anymore it's ultimately what you're forced to do! My approach was genuinely sat reading wishing I could tell you in person I can't bare anyone wasting their life and allowing the risk of so much worse to come if you don't cut ties and trust you deem it zero loss it will come quicker than you think it's just a brief bit of heartache no human will ever be hardened to. Please deem this idiot as practice while you still have some youth xx

What? But how can you love someone when you have just started a relationship with them? How is this your thought process?

Would it be a good idea to take a break from dating and maybe pick it back up at a later time when you're feeling better in yourself and refreshed?

Dating is supposed to be fun isn't it, but its hard to detach yourself and take rejections with a pinch of salt

Thank you! I'm feeling a lot better about it all. I'm glad I'm not sad over it, just a bit angry and disappointed. My friends ans my mom have all said pretty much what you have but in different ways

Yes I'm definitely going to be taking a break, I'm too fed up to be enthusiastic about it currently. Tbh, I can't say I've ever really had much fun dating as it always ends up being the same: going really well for the first few weeks, then contact becomes less frequent, then I get the "I'm busy" excuses and then finally I get ghosted. Very exhausting. I hope to meet the love of my life on my snack run at Aldi

I feel you. The 'I'm busy' responses and ghosting are just crap

Online dating can be very demoralising and deflating, even dating in itself can be disheartening enough. Not sure if you have seen my thread about my own recent experience,I'm ending it with my boyfriend and won't be dating for a while. So dissapointed

The Aldi bit made me laugh. Imagine if we all met the love of our lives in there, there would be no need for online dating whatsoever😅