Growing to dislike MIL.

[soba17]

My mother in law is becoming increasingly intolerable and I’m not sure if it’s just me in my own head or she’s actually problematic.

My mother is law is really quite a harsh lady in comparison to all the women in my family and I feel she is really serious and holds all of her children to incredibly high standards. DH is abit of a perfectionist and hates making even a tiny mistake and it almost makes me angry at my MIL because I feel he is hard on himself because of her high expectations for no reason.

DH has practically paid for a new house for his parents and put money towards an allotment situation for FIL. He does a lot for them and I feel like it’s somewhat ‘expected’ rather than appreciated which I just find incredibly annoying since my parents would never expect me or my siblings to pay for them in that way (and most parents I know tbh).

My SIL (wife of husbands brother) also finds the setup strange.

Now that I have a child, watching her be harsh to my literal baby who is 1 year old just boils my blood. If he try’s something and gets it right she will clap and if he gets it wrong she’s like ‘no that’s wrong’ and doesn’t clap. It’s a small detail but he’s 1, all his efforts should be praised, there is no wrong in play it’s just play. I feel like I’m rewatching DH childhood and it makes so much sense why he takes himself serious sometimes and hates messing up and then I feel fury all over again for the baby version of my husband.

I know I can’t change any of this, I just needed to vent. DH and MIL are very close and she can be nice too, she’s bought little gifts for me in the past and she loves DS so much in her own way. It makes me feel guilty for sometimes feeling negative towards her but she’s just not the most comfortable to be around. I never actually spent a lot of time with DH family before we got married for geographical reasons and I guess it’s true when they say you marry the whole family lol.

anyway, that’s that. Little Wednesday night rant.

MIL was probably raised like that so she is just passing on what she knows and is used too.

Be the cycle breaker. Speak up when she shows displeasure at your son. When she says ‘no that’s not right’ you say ‘ but it was a fantastic try!!! Wohooo! She will know what your doing - and hopefully quieten down on it.

Regarding your DH tread carefully - that’s family money and you need to talk to him about it - but understand he has had years of conditioning and may struggle to see it at first.

Use your son as comparison to point out the difference in parenting styles and the effect it can have later on.

Not another mother in law hating post! Good grief just accept we are all different and stop being so precious.

It really matters when it affects my husband, child and our finances.

I think that’s a fair post. Look on it less as disliking your MIL than as recognising a probable chain of inter generational cycles you have the power to intervene in. I do agree that having a child makes you think very hard about your own childhood and what you can see/intuit about how your partner has been raised, and, for what it’s worth I recognise increasingly that DH’s mother, of whom I am quite fond, was an appalling parent, and it makes me angry.

Absolutely intervene when it comes to your child.

I am constantly shocked at the amount of vitriol directed at mother in laws on MN which I truly never encounter in real life.
Just live and let live.