Really close to ending my relationship

[Lillysunbeam]

I've been seeing a man for nearly a year now. I'm feeling frustrated over a few things in the relationship.

To start we see each other only once a fortnight at the weekend sometimes for one evening sometimes for two depending what else we both have going on.
He can be very communicative inbetween. For example he messaged me every day last week and even said he misses me. Then he goes quiet.

He has told me he loves me and I have met his family. He has also put me in his profile photos on social media.

I was going to end it about two months ago as I found him a bit hot and cold and tbh I feel too old to mess around. Were both mid 40s. Strangely the evening I was going to end it I decided to go to a family event with him that was already arranged and couldnt get out of so I thought I'd go to that event and end it the day after just get it out the way. Also I didn't want to over shadow his family event.
That evening I behaved as normal he was really affectionate told me when he was drunk that he loves me alot and he just wishes we could see more of each other. I said to him why havent u said this to me before? And he told me it was because he didn't want to come on too strong.

I decided not to end it and give it more of a go thinking after he had said all of that he may make more of an effort to see me as I told him I had felt exactly the same.

The issue is since then theres not been much change. If weve seen each other in between the two weeks it was me asking to see him suggesting a walk or lunch spent time together on my day off work.

After about a month of this I thought I'm gonna step back and see if he makes an effort to see me as like people say actions speak louder than words.
Guess what ... no effort has been made.

I personally find it very hard to stay bonded seeing him once every two weeks. There is a pattern we see each other are all loved up have a great time together then a few days after seeing each other were all bonded msging back and forth. A week goes by it all dies off and back to living our own lives little communication between us again until a few days before were due to see each other again.

His family all know about me I've been out with them all a few times they invite me to family events regularly so I am seen as his partner or girlfriend. So it's not like hes hiding me or anything.

I feel like he knows hardly anything about my world or life. It feels odd. We were due for him to meet my eldest daughter a few weeks ago she was down from uni, he seemed keen the day before he said he was going down with something and sick so couldnt make it.
At the time I thought it was true but I'm now starting to feel was it an excuse?

I just feel after nearly a year things would have progressed and they havent.
I dont even feel like I can miss him as I dont see him enough to miss him.
We dont live too far away either about 20 miles.
What is going on here? Is this normal?
Opinions please

a bit odd… if you want more, ask for it openly and it nothing happens, that’s your answer. Unless you feel you have already.

What's his previous status ? Has he been married or badly hurt ? Work schedule ? Doing things with his family and having you over his socials does really say he likes you alot 🤔 very odd situation.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I feel like i have . For example I asked to see him on halloween evening as I had a rare free evening and I knew he was free. I said let's do something together as we both have a free evening. His response was yeh could do I'll let you know. After he has said to me he wanted to see me more it made me feel a bit silly and rejected and actually hurt. I accepted it and spent the evening with my friend instead. The nxt day he said fancy a walk? I said I have stuff on today I had a free evening yesterday so that would have been better... he knew this so it did hurt but I didnt tell him that and went on with my day

Maybe he's afraid to really commit has he been hurt badly by someone? If you weren't involved with his family I'd think something else was going on. Saying that do you think he could be a player ? What does your instinct tell you? Have you told him how you feel? I think you should if not. Hope it works out x

Thank you . I'm glad I posted as I was starting to feel I was going a bit mad but these replies so far tell me this is odd behaviour it's not just me.
Yeh I'm all over his socials he seems really proud of me. I'm on his more than hes on mine. He has several lovely photos of us and his main profile pictures are the two of us.
He was previously in a 20 year relationship. They grew apart ended it amicably. Share a son in his late teens.
He is self employed without putting myself he can take time off to see me when he wants. Financially is very sorted.

Honestly I just don’t think this relationship is working for you. You asked him to make changes and he hasn’t. You could try again but I doubt it would make a difference.

Is there any chance that late teen son could have clouded his dating techniques ? 🤔 I often hear people our ages that are single say I don't have a clue how to date these days ect, and they may get input from people 🤣 it's just the fact he says " I didn't want to come on too strong". Regards to your other update I know you must have been feeling hurt after haloween night but he did make some effort there but that maybe put him off making more efforts in fear of rejections. Have you two had like a week away together or similar ? Had the future talk ? I had a LDR where we saw each other for 2 nights fortnightly.. the texting side of super closeness then getting fadey week 2 is very familiar

Him being a player has crossed my mind I even asked him outright few months ago if he was seeing others as I was asked out by someone else and he said absolutely no. He seemed very shocked I even asked

You've stepped back to see if he made more effort and he hasn't, that tells you everything you need to know surely.
His declaration of love has resulted in....nothing. All word salad to keep you on the hook.
This is who he is.
Seeing each other every 2 weeks isn't even part-time girlfriend status so I'd take this as a very clear signal he's not that bothered, the social media thing is just him trying to make out he's great enough to have a lady friend.

Sorry, he's wasting your time op.

He’s keeping you dangling and throwing you crumbs. There’s no point being all over his socials when he doesn’t make time for you.
I would be very suspicious that he has the rest of the time when he blows hot and cold.
Find someone worthy of you.

It’s the good old: pay attention to actions not words. You are overanalysing him, wondering why he’s behaving like this etc etc. You clearly stated what you want. He’s not delivering despite his earlier declarations. Be upfront with him and say how the relationship is atm is not working for you. Then either end it or set a clear timeline if you want to give him more time to change into being more consistent.
its not your job to analyse him and make him change, its his responsibility.

Thanks again for all of your replies and advice. They basically say what I've already been thinking
At the end of the day he is giving minimum effort and getting alot from me in return. Then when I step away it's not reciprocated. I'm meant to be seeing him this weekend I'm going to end It with him and say goodbye. I dont have any issue ending something that I feel isn't working but if I am being honest I feel gutted it hasnt worked and feel like it's been a big waste of time.... a year 😔 life too short for this shit

Good for you deciding to put a stop to it. If you start to waver just remind yourself that it has indeed been a waste of a year, you deserve someone who prioritises you. Good luck.

You have given him a year.

He sounds like he is wrapped up in his own world and every time you drop off the radar, so does his attention. That is not a man who wants you to be perfectly honest. He is giving you the bare minimum because he gets away with it, he has known for a year that telling you what he wants, you will take the bate for x amount of time, until it is brought up again, then he gives you breadcrumbs.

You deserve more than bread crumbs.

You dont own him an explanation if he askes for one when you tell him its over. Are you even exclusive? Has he other bread crumbs on the go?

You gave it a year, and now its time to give him a rest. Your gut is correct.

I really get the impression he may like the freedoms and not want to really commit he can have his cake and eat it type of thing. It's never a waste another lesson learned and a way you become stronger x