Making new friends at 50!

[Raquelscatt]

Why is it so hard to make new friends in adulthood? I have spent so much time this year trying to make new friends and be part of groups with no luck.

Don't get me wrong, I have grown up children and a hubby I adore. A job I enjoy with some good work mates but they have their own social lives. I have a couple of close friends but I know they don't not see me as their close friends, the same as I do them, they have many more friends and do many social things with other groups, etc. Hubby is happy to go to the local pub and he isn't bothered about not having many mates! I am a very social person and having lost a lot of weight in the last 18 months, want to get out more and constantly feel envious of other friendship groups. Some of our friendship groups who we go out with occasionally have dwindled and they go out with others now. Me and hubby don't always have the money or he is working to go out so we find we don't get asked or included.

I have been part of a Zumba group for a long time and its got so cliquey, ladies who I thought were my friends, don't include me in anything despite me inviting them to stuff and then they make excuses or lie when I know they have been out. I love the class but its really getting me down, so much so I am thinking of finding something new in the New Year. I joined a running club having graduated from C25K earlier this year but it was already rather established and I couldn't keep up with them! 😂

I have joined a friends online group and been to a couple of meets which were ok but most of the ladies live quite a distance from me and many of the events are 20+ miles away from where I live so difficult for me to attend. Also quite cliquey, two's company, three's a crowd scenario.

I would just love that one friend who I can laugh or cry with, gets me, invites me out, worries about me and we can have the odd weekend/holiday away. If I want to initiate a get together, I am the one constantly suggesting things. I have come off social media as I am so jealous of how happy everyone else's life seems and the friendships they have. Its really getting me down, especially this this time of year when everyone seems to have Christmas outings planned etc.

Maybe it is just me, surely it cannot be so difficult to make friends? 😢

You sound absolutely lovely and are doing all the right things. Keep going with the running even if you train on your own until you can keep up with the group, good luck! x

I'm 50. I do live in a very laid back and sociable town so maybe it's easier for me.

I've made recent friends from a monthly dance event. I love dancing and have got to know others through seeing them there every month, chatting at the bar.

What about walking groups? They are often so sociable, lots of time to talk.

Book groups. Film groups where people go for a drink afterwards.

Wishing you luck!

I’m 53 and have found it a struggle to make friends of my own age apart from the ones I already have.

I second @RockingBeebo‘s suggestion of a film group or book group. I did go to a screening where the people weren’t quite my type (maybe me being fussy) and a book group where there seemed to be lots of ages and both sexes. Some of the local things people do locally are Stitch and Bitch, crochet, pottery, yoga and meditation, arts (like painting) or there are pubs which specialise in eg records so have nights around this.

I volunteer with a charity, once a month and that is my social life. I am a real homebody though and when I did have friends I would have plenty of reasons not to see them, hence I no longer have any.

Tennis, it is the most sociable sport known to man. I suggested it to a friend who was in a similar situation, same age but no family and she has LOADS of friends from it now. She is either playing or meeting tennis people for coffee drinks.

I've slightly recalibrated what I expect from friends. I'd love friends who I could ring up at the drop of a hat and go away with for weekends, but I've sort of accepted that people I can get on with at a shared activity, and maybe get to know better over time, is where I am at the moment.

I definitely wouldn't take social media to heart. Remember that people only post the interesting things they do, not that they've spent the 10th night running watching netflix.

I think it takes quite a lot of time going to the same clubs or events to build friendships. Also it takes a bit of proactive behaviour to be the one who suggests things to others and gets the ball rolling.

Have you tried Meetup?

I’ve made lots of new friends through music and dance events in last few years. The shared life of the music was a staring point but then chatted to people and clicked with some ladies who’ve become great friends.

How are you getting on @Raquelscatt.

I can’t run to save my life and have no interest in knitting or craft but could do with a friend or two like you describe light hearted good fun, good laugh and good for the soul. To share a bottle of wine, have round at mine for drinks and nibbles, go for a walk a coffee or a day trip or weekend away.