I feel a bit sick writing this. When I was 18 & at college, I had a part-time waitressesing job. The married area manager, M, took a bit of a liking to me & at that age, I suppose I liked the attention. I don't think in a flirty way, but I had a troubled childhood with abuse & this man was kind & nice to me. I was good at my job & liked impressing him.
When I finished college at 21, M said I was a star & should work for the company full time as a trainee manager. I got a job a fair way from home & M organised accommodation for me. I don't remember having any contact with a head office, but that could be my memory.
Occasionally, M would turn up at the restaurant I was training at & one evening, turned up at my accommodation asking to come in for coffee. I let him in & I have no idea how it happened but he was asking if I trusted him, I said I did. He then said I should take my clothes off to prove it.
After some hesitation byvme & prompting by him, I did & I think I gave him oral sex. I think he thought I wanted to sleep with him.( I didn't) as he said he only had intercourse with his wife. As if that made it all ok ( I only think this now, at the time I thought he was principled)
We got dressed & he left. That was that. I don't remember much about the aftermath & I suspect when I saw him at work, he behaved as though nothing had happened.
So why, at 58, am I revisiting this? Reading it now, I feel embarrassed, mortified & stupid. What was I thinking? Truth be told, it just didn't occur to me at the time, I felt special. I was a pretty naive 21 year old & have always been too trusting.
Recently, the whole thing has been playing on my mind & I have found him on Facebook. He seems to have been a teacher. Should I drag it all up & message him or leave well alone? I feel I want to confront him & that he should be held to account. On the other hand, why add stress to my already stressful life?
What to do? Am I overthinking it? What is to be gained?