I know I'm gonna get hate here, i just need some advice, this is tearing me apart. I'm 24, and she is 23.
I met my girlfriend in February. She's an intern who goes to college a few states away. Initially when we started seeing each other, she didn't want anything serious, but around month 3, we decided to give dating a shot. It was tough, she had never had a relationship before, and she's from another country, so there were some cultural differences we have clashed on. To name a few, she was very secretive and had her notifications hidden all the time, and I have a past where I've been cheated on(rich coming from me right?), so this was really difficult, and took some communication. She also comes from a culture where if you plan to meet at 6pm let's say, you show up at like 7. So those were two struggles we had. In month 4, she was leaving back to her home country for a month, and couldn't state for certain if she wanted to stay with me after getting back. Once she left the country, she asked me only to snap her so my notifications wouldn't pop up in messages, so her mom wouldn't see(frowned upon in her culture to date). I insecurely asked if there was any other reason she didn't want my messages showing up in notifications, which was so dumb of me. She got mad at me after that, and then only sent me one word replies once every 24 hours since that for a few weeks. During this time, I figured our relationship was over, and was in a really bad place. I ended up confiding in one of my friends while out for drinks, and we ended up making out twice that night. I fully believed our relationship was over, and was going to end it myself once she got back.
A week before she got back though, she started talking to me again, saying she forgives me and misses me. I was cold on my reception because I still thought I was going to break up, but then she got back, and it was like we immediately fell in love all over again. I ended up not telling her because I didn't think it was going to last. Now over the last 3 months, our relationship has grown substantially. We are stable, I am deeply in love with her, we have both put a ton of effort into the relationship, and we are at the healthiest we've ever been. However, in the back of my head, this has been eating me away. She recently mentioned moving in together, and doing long-distance after her internship ends while she finishes her last semester. I feel like I need to tell her, but I'm deathly afraid of losing her and hurting her. I see a future with her, and I love her deeply. I have never regretted an action more than that night. It goes against everything I've ever preached, and I hate that I did it. I have written and rewritten a note confessing, but I just need to get this off my chest and hear from others on this.
Context on the girl I made out with, she has been a close friend of mine since middle school, we don't talk too often since I went to college (graduated now), but will occasionally send life updates. After the incident, we both regretted it and we still occasionally keep each other updated on our life every few months, but it is purely platonic.