How to deal with competitive people in your life?

[sarahsssp]

DH and I are struggling a bit with our sisters and brother in laws.
So this is my sister and his sister and their husbands.
What's funny is they are surprisingly similar, despite not knowing each other and so family occasions on either side are made difficult by this.

Some examples, DH's BIL is constantly talking about money, what they're buying next, how much he has made from investments this month, what car he's getting next, where they're going on holiday next etc.
DH's sister is slightly better, but not much.

My Sis is hyper aware of what everyone around her earns, where they're going away to next, buying her DD the most fashionable items of clothes all the time (she's 2). If DH and I book a holiday, and I'm talking a cheap one in the UK, she has to know all the details and if I don't tell her the moment I book it, she wants to know when I booked it etc.
her DH will regularly talk about how he's earning more now than he used to, when not asked. My niece will always be given the next best toy and they ensure everyone knows that's what they got her.

There is probably a million more examples. DH and I have put up with it over the years. And despite the fact we are comfortable and own a nice car etc, we have absolutely no interest in talking about this with people. I'd rather talk about funny things, or where to go for a nice walk, good days out for the kids etc.
it feels like everything with our siblings is about status, money and bragging!!

How do we better put up with this? Will these people get better as they get older?

Have you ever said anything like

"Geez Sam do you ever talk about anything other than money or spending it?"

Perhaps taking the piss out of them for it could be the way to go?

Well, they sound crass! You obviously have to try and make sure you always see both couples together. You can wind them up and set them off, out-earning and out-consuming each other, and run a tidy little game of Braggers Bingo between you.

When they ask what you two are giggling about (if they even notice), you can say things like "Oh, we're just amazed at how well off you all are! What did you say your house is worth, Bill? Wow! And how about yours, Ben?" Repeat for cars, holiday homes, pension pots, wristwatches, etc ...

Tell them u rnt interested in hearing about their financial affairs it bores u.

If you can’t be honest with siblings who can you be honest with? 🧐 why don’t you just say something?

I've been known to channel Gavins Mum from Gavin and Stacey in situations like this.

"I'm not being funny Stacey, but that was really boring!" It's usually taken in the good humour it's intended, but it does tend to stop people banging on about their money, or new car, or little Jimmys piano recital, or their new highlights.

Invite them around together, and they can all talk to one another about their incomes to their hearts’ content?

Most people don't improve much with age, I find. They can just get more intrenched in their ways. I think the best way to deal with it, as others have said, is to gently ridicule them. People like that tend to be very grabby about money and don't like to think they have wasted it so that's a good angle. I find an 'oh yes, they had those in Home Bargains last week' or pretend shock at the price they paid - 'but they're only £20 in TKMaxx'. Or, 'lovely <product, like olives or something>, did you see that Lidl's <same product> won Good Food's award for <same product> this year? We love them, but we do like the best'.

I particularly enjoy it when someone like that admires something I'm wearing and looks impressed at the label. Then I can tell them it was £3, with tags on, in the local charity shop.

You can make it up if you like - but you don't need to because it is often true.

You and DP could start jokingly snoring when they talk.

You could say “Yes, we get it, you are considerably richer than us”

Or you could say “Can we talk about something other than money for a change?”

They sound like massive bores.
I would be tempted to laugh at them, tell them they sound like pompous caricatures off a comedy show.
If you are old enough to remember the tv series ‘keeping up appearances’ use quotes from that to take the piss.
Harry Enfield ‘we are considerably richer than you’ sketch etc.

Tell them how much you give to charities, even if you don't. Might make them think a bit.

The thing is I'd love to say all this stuff to them, but I just can't do it because I know it'll be received as "they're jealous of us" because they're all that deluded.

Plus over the years I've gone off of them all, so I don't even want to have a deep conversation because I guess I don't like them all enough to want it to be a big deal, if that makes sense?

I think changing the subject and avoiding visits etc might help but I just wish there was a short quick way to say "you sound stupid, shut up" without saying it.

In that case I would limit contact, but also try to initiate conversations about other more substantial subjects to allow them to demonstrate their ignorance on top of their crassness.

Say "wow you like money don't you" every single time he mentions it.

Zone out.

Earplugs.

Avoid him.

Does it matter how they receive it? If it gets them to shut up about it then job done!