Transition period / I think!

[dogtired11001]

My DP is leaving me. We have been together for five years. After the most awful rows and him treating me like crap, it's now over. And he left me.,,,,,go figure!!!

He's still living here. Leaving once he gets somewhere to go. We are living in separate parts of the house and avoid each other. We communicate when necessary. It's been like this for ten days now. It's all very awkward, uncomfortable and tbh sad. I am genuinely heartbroken despite the way he's treated me. Although I have accepted that it needs to end as he is just no good for me.

Any advice on how to get through the next few weeks with my sanity still intact?

What's your current housing arrangement? I'd want him gone ASAP so you can both start moving on with your lives. Being in the same house isn't good for either of you.

If it's your house tell him he needs to leave tomorrow. Where he goes isn't your problem. If it's a joint house then obviously it's more complicated.

If he's not treated you well OP then this is for the best.

Why are you allowing him to stay in the house? Tell him you want him out in 2 days. He’s a grown adult. He will have to find a place quick, stay with friends or family or get a hotel. He’s no longer your responsibility. The relationship is over, get him out.

@TipsyJoker op doesn't state who the house belongs to/ who lived there first

Yes I’m aware of that but given he’s moving, I assumed he had no legal right to be in the house. If he does, that complicates things somewhat obviously.

The house belongs to me solely.

He is still here because if I let him control the narrative it will lead to less drama and chaos in the long run tbh.

This.
He needs a deadline (or rather, you need it).
Limbo is what's gnawing at your sanity - a fixed date will help.

"Drama and chaos", by who's definition?

Op if it's your house and he's left you then it's absolutely not your problem where he goes. I'd give him a reasonable deadline and if he's not gone by then, change the locks.

It is your house - see a solicitor to file and serve him formal eviction paperwork with a no contact clause after he leaves. That will also protect you legally so he cannot muck around in your wonderful future. Do things by the book.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fretting. You should be thrilled that the trash is taking itself out! Please, in your next relationship have stronger boundaries and do not allow a partner to mistreat you even once. Men don't respect women they are allowed to abuse.

This type of negative behavioral change is the male way of trying to get you to have a spine and kick him out of your life. He can then at least respect you for standing up for yourself! But when you take it for months or even years, they feel you don't love or respect yourself, so why should he? They do this trying to get you to make a stand until they get so sick of it, they leave YOU.

It should never come to this ladies. Think more highly of yourself and do not tolerate mistreatment. Not one day of this nonsense.

Tell him you want him out tomorrow. If he won’t leave call the police and have him removed from your property because he’s abusive and is refusing to leave. That will be the end of the drama because you are not married and the house is in your name. Once he’s out, block him everywhere and go no contact. You owe him nothing and I believe you have no children together so there’s nothing tying you to him. Cut the dead weight and move on to better times. You might want to get some counselling to learn about how to establish and maintain boundaries and work on your self esteem. I wouldn’t advise getting into another relationship until you’ve done the freedom programme and have more info on red flags and abusive relationships. Honestly, just get him out. You don’t need his bullshit in your life.

He's saying end of the month but sooner if possible.

I am booked on the freedom program in January. No more men for me for a long time. This one pushed me over the edge with all the insanity and crazy making. I'd rather be lonely for the rest of my life than risk being exposed to anything remotely like this again.

He needs to leave by end of this week. Where he goes no one cares, none of your business you're no longer together. He isn't your responsibility.

It’s your house. He needs to go. He can stay with a friend or family member if needed. He can’t cause drama and chaos if he’s out.

Never mind what he’s saying. It’s about what you’re saying and it’s your house so say, get the F out! Seriously. Why are you allowing this? What will you do when the end of the month comes and he still hasn’t found somewhere to live? Next you know it will be, “I’ll be able to find somewhere after Christmas.” Get him out now. Don’t let him dictate your life to you for one second longer. Ask yourself why you’re accepting this. He’s still dominating you and telling you what’s going to happen and you’re too scared to challenge him because you fear his reaction. Tell him he’s to get out in 2 days and it’s not your problem. If he won’t leave, call the police and have him removed. It’s that simple. Then you never have to see him ever again. You’ll be free. Don’t let this knobhead make decisions about your life any longer. Turf him out on his ear. He’s a big boy. He’ll cope.

Hello I've just got out of a horrible shit relationship. I was lucky to not live with him. He's well into the drug world now. 4 years together and it's all been a pile of shit. He's BPD and bipolar and decided his way to deal with his life after diagnosis was to go on a bender and stop seeing me for weeks and to lie to me. He's been shit since day 1. I'm so sad but I'd rather be alone now than around someone who is so destructive and willing to chest lie and manipulate! My bank will thank me for it too!

What “long run”? Surely you’re not intending to maintain contact with him?