Help with husband

[Cat331]

Hi my husband had an operation to remove a brain tumour a couple of years ago and has had problems with his mental health since.
he denies he has a problem but there is seriously something wrong with him.
he is like a different person and can be unbelievably nasty. He says he doesn’t love or respect me and he is obsessed with a singer from a girl band and, he genuinely believes that they are going to be together .
itslike I don’t know him he is like a stranger I have asked him to see a dr but he refuses and I can’t talk to them as it’s confidential I’m at my wits end and don’t know how I can keep going on living like this, any help appreciated.

I’m sorry to read about your situation. You need to talk to your GP and get him assessed and some counselling.

Agree with the PP - you need help for yourself to deal with this. See your GP for your own health. 💐

GPs and other medical professionals won't be able to give you specifics about your DH due to confidentiality, but you can give them information which can help him. It will feel like a one way conversation though.

You can also ask theoretical questions or ask a medical professional who has nothing to do with your DH about the situation and get help for yourself.
Your DH can also give permission for you to be informed about his medical situation, if he would agree to this.

It must be very hard. Do you have children ?

This sounds really hard, OP. Brain damage (and an operation on the brain may well cause some damage) can lead to personality changes. James Cracknell’s brain injury significantly contributed to his marriage breaking down. My mum died of a brain tumour and in the months leading up to her initial diagnosis she said some surprisingly mean things to my sister and me which, looking back, we understood had come from the tumour.

You may already have seen this article but if not perhaps it has some helpful insights:
https://www.cognitivefxusa.com/blog/personality-changes-after-a-brain-injury-or-concussion

If the surgery had an impact on his frontal lobes then this would account for his change of personality and behaviour.

I came here to say that brain damage can cause personality changes too.

It’s important to try and find out if the changes in him are down to the tumour or the surgery and what the outlook is if they are.

If this is his new normal, you need to think about what you want for yourself.

Honestly he needs to see a dr. There might very well be brain damage but also the tumour might’ve come back.

You don’t have to put up with his behaviour though. If it’s too bad leave. Look after yourself.

Hi thanks for all your replies i just dont know what it is i want to do, if i could just get him to speak to the dr it would be a start but he says i am the one with the problem.

I would 100% contact the GP, or if you can, his surgeon, and explain your concerns.

But, ultimately, if he refuses to even see a doctor or review hismental health, it's okay for you to decide tht hte person he is now is not the person you want to be with.

what kind of brain tumour? My husband was like this a couple of years after pituitary surgery, my lovely doctor assured me he was just a bad person!

Headway are an amazing charity who do a lot of work in this area. I would give their helpline a ring and chat through the specifics.

https://www.headway.org.uk/supporting-you/someone-i-know-has-a-brain-injury/

thank you for this info , i am going to see if i can get him to read this.

I was going to suggest Headway as well.

My stepdad had quite a different personality after a head injury.

If he's not willing to address the issues, you might need to rethink the relationship.

You're not obliged to stay with him if he has changed from the man you knew.