Parents seem to be pittying me for being a working mum with 2 children..

[sarahsss]

I'm feeling a bit irritated by this. Especially as my dad has been pretty pushy in terms of me 'doing well' in life but now because I have 2 young kids he thinks I should work school hours only, and he thinks the wraparound care is too much, plus long nursery days for my youngest.

I work 4 days a week, I only earn 33k but my DH is on 50k so my wage gives us that extra income which really helps improve our lifestyle and gives us that extra little bit.

I have worked hard to get to where I am, I started on 18k 10 years ago, so despite this not being a massive pay rise, and it probably only equates to inflation, still for me it feels like an achievement and I don't want to throw it away.

He thinks I should work school hours, and yes whilst that would help make life easier in some respects, I think I would feel less j on satisfaction, and no doubt my boss would see me as more of a part-timer than I currently am. So I would instantly feel demoted, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I guess I'm feeling touchy because part of me doesn't feel guilty for what I'm doing, and so I don't know what is the best option right now in life..

Thoughts anyone?

Your dad needs to mind his own business! What you're doing is absolutely fine.

What your dad thinks about it is meaningless...unless he's touching a nerve and it's giving you pause for thought.

Do what you want to do, and that's right for your career and family. Only you and your DH can judge what that is.

If it works for you and your family, why do you care what your dad thinks? You have done very well, you seem to manage a career and two young kids (which is hard!), and having a good job and salary is important.
I assume he is not willing to help you with childcare or subsidies your pension payments if you work less? if he is so worried about your child’s nursery days, he can pick them up earlier a few afternoons a week?

So just ignore him and live your life.

“Dad why didn’t you work school hours when I was little?”

Is your dad from a generation where one full time income was enough for a family life so a wife’s income could be fun money ? I assume that your mum was a SAHM or worked very little ? Did you dad pull his parenting weight or was non-working time his to do what he wanted? I’m wondering if he is the type who would not want to do parenting stuff at the weekend like change nappies or take the kids to sport classes

Ignore him

My dad is the same. He sees me stressed and thinks I'm struggling and wants to help, so stopping work is always his suggestion.

I earn a lot in a job I enjoy and spent a long time studying for so I always ignore it. It's frustrating but I think it's coming from a good place.

Can't always judge older people by our generation's values.

Yes my mum didn't work at all.
He didn't pull his weight with the kids either and there was 3 of us.

What's set this off is I got stuck in traffic the other night so asked them to pick DD up from school.
The wraparound closed at 6 and I normally get her at 5:30.
Because they picked her up near to 6, it was pitch black and she was the last one there they obviously felt sorry for her, despite the fact she's not normally the last one there.

We keep getting illnesses as well which I seem to be catching off the kids and then getting it worse, which they are putting down to 'me being stressed'.
Yes I am stressed sometimes in my job but who isn't?

Urgh I'm just having a hard time of it all because I guess it's occurred to me that I have one shot at my children's early years, plus one shot at my career and I'm feeling very much like I can't have both, and there can't have either really, and then on top of that made to feel guilty!

Don't listen to someone with a mindset like that. Things have changed now. I'm currently on maternity leave with my second DS but I usually work full time 5 days a week. I don't think many of my friends with kids work full time but I don't feel remotely guilty about it. It's

Your child is getting illnesses because they are in nursery. This is a good thing! Once they hit school age, they will have a fantastic immune system.

Apart from that, your parents need to shut up - you are working, which your mum never did. Your situation isn't comparable to theirs.