I am not happy with my relationship any more

[Canjo]

Me and my partner of 6 years we used to get on very well. We still do but there's so much wrong. He proposed to me about an 18 month mark even though I never really spoke about marriage or anything like that to him. There was no pressure to go down that way.

Within 6 months of the engagement the sexual side of our relationship began dwindling and it was from his side.

We used to be regularly a few times a month and then it went to about once every 3/4 months.

You see he was never able to maintain an erection for intercourse and he would always pull out to masturbate.

It all just died down over the past 4 and half years. About 3 years ago, it was very one sided between us and I stopped making an effort in the bed too.

Now we don't even sleep together any more.

We still get on reasonably well outside of the bedroom. It's awful all the same. He would still like to get married but I am thinking why bother and the sexlessness has me nearly turning away from him and becoming onwards to myself.

I view sex as an important competent in a relationship.

Not only the sexlessness, there's other stuff. He got a job a few years ago that had the opposite schedule of what I worked which was somewhat of a regular week. So even our dates dwindled.

Basically it's all work and no play.

I'm finding it very stressful now with him. I'm not happy. I'm not afraid of being single but I'm afraid of finding the time and sitting down with him and calling it off. I suppose the hard chat. I don't get him. Surely he knows this too and why doesn't he do it to me? Is he waiting for me to call things off with him or what is he doing? He still shows an interest in me. He's still forward with his interest in me but sometimes I wonder. In that I think he could make more of an effort on the rare occasion that we do have a date. Instead of wearing dirty jeans he could wear some clean ones as an example. This is something else too that I am annoyed with him about.

So yeah, there's so much there.

Over the past few months I asked him if he wanted to come and sleep with me and all I got was excuses. So I won't be asking him again.

Also there's a birthday party coming up within his family in a few weeks. I am invited but I don't want to go. Before now I would have seen something like this as an opportunity to spend time together and a bonding time together but I just can't stomach it any more. He's a man he won't sleep with me or have sex with me and prefers his work to me.

I think you know what you need to do OP. Better a hard conversation now than going against your guy feeling and living the rest of your life unhappy and disatisfied.

I suppose sex has different levels of importance. To you it's important, but not very, heck, it would only take a couple of months for me to be addressing this, but you've waited at least 3 years, for what?
You're just wasting time. I'd guess DC's are not a factor seeing as you're fine about having wasted 6 years in all. Have the conversation, the worst it can do is prompt some action from him - false promises probably.

The past 6 years were not wasted like you wrote. I had a fantastic time with him and this wasn't a clear cut thing. It was something that dwindled and I didn't see it at first. It definitely feels like to me, at this stage, that he got a ring on my finger and then he thought his work was done. The sex dried up and the hygiene took a back seat at times.

I can count on one hand the amount of times that we had sex over the past 4-5 years. On one hand.

It's awful. He doesn't try with me. He can definitely get it up and he can masturbate but it's not for sexual intimacy with me.

Your relationship is dead OP. If he can't be bothered, his hygiene is poor and he doesn't care about intimacy with you then why stay? He really is just wasting your precious time.

Why would he do this to me. There's definitely a wedge in here in our relationship. It's mainly from his side. I am still looking after myself.

On the other side, aside from this, he's been good to me. He's never once let me down and he is somewhat forward to me too. Like he's the one usually intinciting calls etc. But at this stage without a sexual intimacy, really it's just a friendship.

Why would he do this.

Like create that gap or hole but still be full on in other ways?

OP, only he knows that. You need to have a full and frank conversation as to why he's got no interest in you sexually. It could just be laziness, maybe he'd rather watch porn and sort himself out rather than make the effort with you? I take it you don't live together so could he have met someone else? Whatever the reason it doesn't sound good.

I could have wrote this lost myself. I'm very much in th name situation except my partner will happily demand oral and leave me with nothing. He's very selfish like that. I've been contemplating calling off my relationship because there's not physical intimacy and I've broached it several times to no avail. He just doesnt care. Offering solidarity OP.

I learned a few years ago, maybe about 2 and 1/2 or 3 years ago approx, the sexual side of things was very one sided. I was putting in the effort giving him oral and that would be that. I eventually started to give up giving him oral. No way. Not any more. It's so dry and dead now between us. Started from him.

When we first started dating, Sundays were out days.

About two years after dating, the sexual issue started creeping in.

Another year or 18 months approx passes and he took on a new job that had the opposite schedule to me. I typically work a Monday to Friday week although that can change easily. But typically.

His schedule meant that any free time wouldn't really align together. I now think maybe he knew he had sexual problems and maybe he was using work as an excuse to cover it up and spend less time together. I don't know what he was doing.

He went into work yesterday morning and it wasn't the first time his employer had him working right around the clock. I didn't hear from him at all all day or even at night and the same again this morning. He was due in work at 9 am.

I'm utterly furious and pissed off with him. There's a sexual intimacy that is completely gone between us and all he does is work.

Any time we do spend time together it might be for a holiday once a year and I view it as binding time together but it's so pointless now at this stage. So much time has passed between any action and it's so awkward. Even if he was to attempt to touch me now, I wouldn't welcome it or like it because so much time has passed.

I don't understand what he's doing. He's often the one that is usually forward towards me with his talk and speech and texts and calls but then there is a gap physically too.