When did you start dating again? divorce, separated, not at all?

[startingoveragainagain]

I've been in a really unhappy marriage for a really long time. About 2 and a half years ago i decided it was time to end it. It took about a year to get a job, get the house ready to sell and the house has been on the market for over a year, it sold and then fell through and currently we are hoping to move in Jan.
When we first decided to split I was absolutely adamant I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship again, but as time has gone on, i've really changed my mind, my husband (we are still married) has for the last month been staying with his dad, and i've been home alone (we've no kids), a couple of times i've logged onto dating sites (just free accounts), and had a look, mostly I don't find the men attractive, but I do wonder if it's too soon - should I wait till we are actually divorced? It's going through the process, but not finalised yet.

I'm nearly 51, so not massively hopeful I'd find anyone, but you never know.

It's really up to you how you feel. You haven't been in a marital relationship for a while. Have you given yourself time to reflect on where it went wrong and your part in it? What you want from a future relationship?

If you've done those things, you're in a good place. Why not go for it if it feels right.

I'm ten years younger and do have children. I was all up for dating at year 1 post ex leaving but then back by year 2-3 since ex has left Ive realised I'm really not that bothered. I've deleted the apps and will let the chips fall where they may. I don't like on line dating find it really forced and disingenuous. I don't shop online for my weekly shop so I'm not about to shop for a man online either

I think that first year it's exciting and also scary and we think we need a partner to validate us and make us feel seen and worthwhile. By year 2 you realise you don't need a man for that and never did it.

Yes, I've thought about it a lot. Being married to an alcoholic workaholic, what I did wrong was stay for too long, trying to make something work that was always one sided.

I don't need someone to make me feel validated or anything. I just think it might be fun to meet someone(s) who are different, go for coffee, dinner, theatre, have a conversation with a man...

@startingoveragainagain

Yes there is definitely that - the excitement of meeting someone more aligned to my interests etc someone to actually talk to rather than the complacency that set in with a long marriage where conversation and interest in each others lives was no longer a priority...however I've found the men who are on online dating sites are really lacking in this department. I think it's great if you go into it with realistic expectations but the chances of meeting your life partner on there is dismally and woefully low

That’s usually why they are online dating. They weren’t very good at it in their previous marriages either hence why single!

it’s a bit needle in a haystack but there isn’t a wrong time. You have no children together so no added complications so I’d say give it a whirl but don’t fixate on one man. Date lots.

I am separated but not divorced. I waited until I moved to my own place and was settled there before joining the apps. I'm late 40s, two school-aged children who share their time between me and my ex. I have been on a few dates, all perfectly pleasant but not enough physical attraction there to pursue it past a few dates. I have been upfront and have said I am still legally married and none of my dates has had an issue with it after I explained my circumstances. I've enjoyed the dating so far, just nice to meet some new people even if it hasn't led to anything yet, so if you feel ready and can take a fairly lighthearted approach to it then just go for it.

I felt ready to start dating again after 2 years.

It had taken me 15 months to buy a new house post split, plus get good childcare in place, and I only felt settled in myself then.

One hard line I had from the start is that I do not date men who are separated, but not divorced. A couple slipped through the net by not disclosing before our date, and it was so obvious that they were gearing up for a battle which I wanted no part of. Others may have a different view about that though.

I'm not in a new relationship yet, and as previous posters have said, I would like to meet a nice guy that I want to be with, not need to be with, however the pickings online are extremely slim.

Start with no expectations, date lots and you'll have a nice time, plus you may meet a great guy for a relationship, as I have known other ladies to do so successfully (just not me, yet).

Once we separated and there was definitely no going back. So around 4 months after he announced the end. Reality is it was 10 years in the making so hardly shocking and I was definitely ready.

Met now husband 6 months later. Life go be good again, I'm your age. Fortunately we could afford mortgage and rent so didn't sell house until children were finished university

Btw the third person I matched on the first site I joined (guardian now defunct) was exh!