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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me 😞

2 replies

Blondewave · 16/11/2024 18:04

So I’ve been with my partner nearly 4 years. We have an 18 month old and I have a 13 year old from a previous relationship, my year postpartum was HELL he didn’t support me really the way I needed but said my expectations were too high. He has his own multi million pound buisness but never would take time off to look after me.
I suffered a missed miscarriage start of the year and that’s when things really took a turn….he didn’t stay with me the morning after I’d taken tablets to pass it and was drifting in and out of sleep due to high codeine for the pain….he went to work…he came back at like 2-3pm after texting me are you ok? When I replied no he came back but I feel he shouldn’t have left. Fast forward to now…he has a few years ago had similar…chronic fatigue syndrome. He had it for 1.5 years last time and barely let us plan or leave the house. It’s come back again and this year has been HELL. It seems to get better when he’s mentally feeling good then deteriorates again. I’m exhausted from it. I suggested he just needs some joy in his life as he never sees friends or does anything fun. He’s SO serious and he said NEVER TELL ME WHAT I SHOUlD DO…the aggression really unnerved me and it was at the same time our 18 month old had said the word ‘c**k while we were changing his nappy, we were both greatly disturbed and said it was either nursery or my mother who often looks after him alone despite being abusive to me as a child. I have told my partner about this abuse and have been told ‘ there are two sides to every story’ ‘your mum is really nice’ now I feel like he may see what she is like and he’s said he can’t go anywhere near her….but I just feel I’m struggling how has my life come to this? I was adopted myself at 18 months have some good childhood memories I went to private school led a ‘privileged’ life but suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother. I don’t know what to beleive anymore I don’t know who to trust. Do I trust my partner who often leaves me when I need him? Or do I trust my mother who has abused me in the past as an adult and a child? I don’t know who to turn to or who to trust. I just feel so alone and just need some advice 😞

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/11/2024 18:26

Neither your partner or mother are trustworthy individuals. They both are abusive and your partner in addition blathers on about there being two sides to every story. For that disbelief too he should be out of your life.

You were abused by your adoptive mother and she is not a safe person to be around. Going to private school does not at all make up for the fact you were abused and your children too need to stay well away from her.

contact Womens Aid and see how they can help you.

MagnoliaGirlie · 16/11/2024 19:48

I agree with @AttilaTheMeerkat, you have got to stop letting your abusive mum take care of your son, she is no doubt abusing him too or she will! And your partner isn't trustworthy either, and doesn't sound like a true partner at all.
Please do contact Women's Aid ASAP! Best of luck to you and your children.

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