14 weeks pregnant and partner has walked out

[Cherish86]

To sum it up, he was very happy and wanted me to keep the baby and convinced me we could make this work. This is my third (first two are late teens / early 20s) so I had my reservations. He sold the world and I was naive to believe him. I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and he has walked out after the most vile verbal abuse, as now he wants me to get rid. My head is all over the place and I’m not really sure what to do. Bar my eldest children, I do not have a strong network of support.

I'm so sorry.

First of all, try and make sure you are eating and drinking. You've had a shock but you need to keep going. Try soup if you are struggling to eat anything more solid.

Secondly, what do you want to do. Do you want to keep the pregnancy? If so then do - you know what having a baby entails, he will need to pay CMS, it's totally doable. But if you don't want to keep the pregnancy, then you need to get in touch with a clinic ASAP.

Thank you for replying to my post.

it’s so difficult as I’ve had scans and that has made me quite attached. I just know I will struggle on my own. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place

How long have you been in the relationship?

OK it sounds like a heart vs head situation. What is your head telling you to do?

What he wants is neither here nor there. What do you want?

So sorry you've been put in this horrendous situation. He is an absolute heartless coward!
Even if you agree to his demands and terminate your pregnancy, you'll always resent him for abandoning and treating you in this way. No one should ever be forced into having a termination! I think ultimately, this relationship is over and cannot recover from this.
Take some time to just come to terms with him leaving, then think about what you want. This has to be your decision.
Do you have friends/family you can lean on for support? Maybe just talking over your options will help you come to your own conclusions so you can start planning ahead.
Everything will work out ok x

Sorry I just read that you do not have a strong network. Your older child is an adult, maybe talk to them about things. Not for advice, just to talk. As I said, often just talking out loud helps us to come to the right decision to be made x

Damn, what an asshole. I guess you have to decide if you're willing to be a single parent or not. Bare in mind, it will likely mean you will also remain single for a long time too. Of course men do date single mothers, but...it thins the, already sparse, herd. Plus there will likely be several years single and not looking as you're too tired from raising the kid. Could be very lonely.

Also, implications on your body. Pregnancy can be dangerous. And you won't bounce back as quickly as when you had kids when you were younger.

Would I do it? Hell no. But I can understand that feeling attached can change things this far in. And maybe having older kids will be somewhat of a support network.

Lesson to others-if you want kids, always marry the guy first. At least then they have to demonstrate that basic level of commitment first before you have to commit 18 years of your life to raising a kid. If they aren't willing to step up to the plate, don't have children.

'OK you want this child? Right then, when should we get married? Does 1 months give enough time? Because theres a free space at the local Chapel then'. They shit themselves and backtrack? Yeah, they don't want a family unit. They just want you to be an oven for their baby.

Sorry you're in this situation, I would go with how things will be for you practically, whether you can manage working and childcare. You want a good quality life not a struggle being tied down, only you know if you can manage ok and whether you want to do this on your own?
Are your older children aware of the pregnancy?
I had an abortion at 40 and already had older kids, I was in an unstable relationship but knew early on I didn't want to go ahead, I was only 6 weeks, 100% the right thing for me however it does make more difficult at 14 weeks emotionally, but you are only just in the second trimester.

I am so sorry OP.
You now know what you are dealing with, that is absolute scum.

Please think of the next 18 years and going back to raising a child alone, or worse, with an abusive prick.

However hard you imagine it might be, multiple it by 10.

Strongly consider termination so that this awful man isn't in your life for decades and you can move on.

Do not think you can impose on your other children.

This will 100% be on you.
Don't do it to yourself.

Thank you everyone for reaching out on my post. I’ve felt so alone and reading the comments has made me feel less so.

my heart obviously wants my baby but my head knows it will be very difficult and I’m not sure I can cope mentally with knowing that he may be part of it. Feel broken.

I'm so sorry OP. I have had a similar set up but in mine he waited until the baby was one and THEN decided it wasn't what he wanted.

I love my youngest but there's a massive age gap between him and my others, and I was talked into it on the premise I had a very willing, hands on parent on board and willing to share it all with me. He totally screwed me over. 😡

I was so poorly early on in the pregnancy too and he encouraged me to keep going.

Having a big age gap between kids my body didn't bounce back like it did when I was younger. Neither did my weight, and gravity was crueller. I'm fucking wrecked. So tired. Had a mental breakdown. Pelvic floor is fucked. The sleepless nights hit harder physically too.

I've zero chance of meeting anyone as I've no support network and my youngest is hard work.

I love him a lot but I also struggle hugely with resentment and at times I've had to battle for it not to show in my parenting. 😔 If I'd had a crystal ball or a time machine I'd not have gone ahead.

I have had an abortion in my teens, then kids in my 20s, and then youngest in my 40s. I don't regret my abortion I had years ago. Sometimes we have to look at things with cold reality. Not just for ourselves but also for the potential child who would be in the world and what sort of world they'd have.

I'm so sorry you have such a tough choice either way.

So sorry you are in such a tough place right now.

It's okay to have an abortion if that's what you want.

This is a brave wise post.

So often women that have much older children are tricked into having children by abusive pricks.

THEY are left with a baby and starting over again.
THEY are left with the enormous burden of motherhood much older.

A complete and utter disaster for them.

Under no circumstances should any woman trust a man in these circumstances in my opinion.

Women have simply too much to lose if a man decides to get up and walk away.

I very strongly suspect some men do it deliberately to totally mess up the life of the woman.

They are evil head fxxks.