I am unable to flirt because I think I fear rejection.

[lemongrasginger]

Can you offer any tips or hints?
I'm currently reading 'Feel the fear...'to see if I can get anything from it . I would
Dearly
Like to meet a decent and lovely man. I'm in my late forties.
Thanks for reading

Can you expand on what you mean?
The point of flirting is to not be obvious and in-your-face, for example making eye contact or lightly touching their arms. Where would rejection come in? If you see your flirtation is not reciprocated you move on.

I guess I'm really trying to work on my self esteem and self
Worth having been cheated on and even though outside of romantic encounters I'm very confident eg work, parenting, socialising... I definitely have a block talking to men. I can find it hard to make eye contact, I wonder if they think I'm too big .. I'm in between 14/16 but over average height etc.

I hope I'm not laughed at etc. I find it hard to explain but I really am trying to work on this

Who are you trying to flirt with? Like when you’re on a date?

No
When I am out socialising or in my social groups.

I tried online dating and hated it.
I found the vulgarity and entitlement of the majority of men scandalous and not one of them, despite their bios , wanted anything other than situationships, generally.

I think flirting is really only something you need to do (or should do) spontaneously. I don’t think you should try to force it.
Also, flirting is often just something people engage in for fun with no intention of acting on it. It won’t necessarily help you to meet anyone.

Thank you. Perhaps I really mean that I struggle with the confidence to talk to/ with men with a view to a romantic relationship.

Maybe it would be better to do things with a view to meeting new people and making new friendships to start with and hopefully if you find someone you are attracted to, then work on starting a romantic relationship.

The thing about flirting is- it's an end of itself. What I mean by that is that it's a way of engaging a spark of conversation with people that provides banter, fun and wit. That itself is the benefit of it. Its fun.

If you view flirting as = banter that must end with someone's phone number or the promise of a date then you're doing flirting all wrong and piling far too much pressure on yourself.

Therein lies your problem. Stop seeing flirting as a means to a date and start seeing it as a fun way to relax around people and enjoy conversations. Once you completely take the pressure off yourself to get a "result" from it, it will become much easier and you'll relax.

For the next month, practice flirting with all sorts of people, flirting doesnt have to have a sexual undertone btw, its really showing genuine social interest and attention to people and just do it for the enjoyment of it and see it as a way to practice engaging others in conversation. Once you've taken the pressure off yourself it will start to just come naturally and it will be an enjoyable experience, rather than a disappointing ordeal.

Thanks for the great advice. I've been trying to train myself to behave like myself when I talk to men. I was brought up to see men as superior and rather that the attitude of me choosing a man, I thought if they chose me I was fortunate which is ridiculous as I see it NOW !!

I have a few social events coming up so I will definitely try this .
Lose the expectation of an outcome and try to have fun chatting and pretend that the men are just my friends and speak with them like I speak to my male friends .
I definitely dont find this easy

Lose the expectation of an outcome and try to have fun chatting and pretend that the men are just my friends and speak with them like I speak to my male friends

Exactly! focus on the present moment rather than the future outcome. So many of us jump ahead into the future and fret about it, and it's that which causes anxiety and uncertainty rather than focusing on the present moment and what is happening right now. Its no wonder you dont find it easy if you have been brought up with those kind of views- putting men on a pedestal and basing your entire self value on whether they "choose" you or not. Get rid of that nonsense right now- your worth is not defined by whether a man "chooses" you or not and if it is, the relationship is likely to be unhealthy anyway.

Practice striking up interesting conversations with all sorts of people so you keep the pressure and anxiety low. Once you're comfortable with that, you'll be in a much better place confidence wise to do it with people you like.

You start by just talking to people, to see if you like them or not, whether man or woman, just have you got anything in common as friends.