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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did I open my mouth?

25 replies

PersonalClown · 27/04/2008 21:28

I've just fucked things up completely.
I met up with an old friend/fuck buddy last night at a wedding reception, had a great laugh, ended up in bed together.

I'm almost 30 and finally got the courage up to tell him how I really felt about him for the past 10 years or so and now he's says that I was playing him, that he doesn't need all this after his last girlfriend cheated on him etc.

I'm sitting here crying because I finally get the courage to tell him just how much I like him and he's completely freaked out.

I should have kept my mouth shut and just been grateful for what we had.
Someone slap me and tell me to get over it.

OP posts:
splishsplosh · 27/04/2008 21:31

Would it have made you happy to carry on like that though? If you spent the whole time wishing the relationship was more, wouldn't that have been disappointing and unsatisfying?

littlewoman · 27/04/2008 21:32

Tell him not to be so bloody precious. In all those years did you try to make him put a ring on your finger, or buy you a house and baby stroller. Fucks sake, he's being a twat. It's not you. You're entitled to like him if he was nice to you, though I presume you've been put off a bit now. Bloody men (and wome who are twats, too, before the pc brigade turn out).

StressTeddy · 27/04/2008 21:33

This does sound like his problem and over reaction not yours
Hope you are ok - are you likely to see him again soon?

littlewoman · 27/04/2008 21:39

Please, please don't cry. You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 27/04/2008 21:42

We've both been hurt and I've tried explaining that but all I'm getting back is 'I don't need all this shite' (we're on MSN)
I tried to get him to come round so I could tell him to his face but he got it out of me on MSN.
I'm trying to get him to come round during the week or let me go to his but it's looking doubtful.
It's funy LW, his reaction hasn't put me off, just really hurt me in that I never knew he could like this and I've known him almost 15 years.
It's not helped by the fact that my best friend aparently told him that I didn't have a computer or was online.

I feel so stupid. It's really breaking my heart.

OP posts:
Janos · 27/04/2008 21:56

He sounds like a complete brat TBH. Don't waste any more time on him, honestly - you've done nothing wrong!

If it helps, have a good cry, feel sad for a bit and get it out of your system.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 27/04/2008 21:57

Do you think an email laying everything out would help?
I really want to talk to him but both our Dcs are in bed so neither can go anywhere.

OP posts:
Julezboo · 27/04/2008 22:41

Can you ring him?

Cant always percieve things right on msn... I did the long distance relationshop with my DP and we used msn alot, there was a few things we thought the other was meaning but totally wasnt!

Hope it works out

Original poster
PersonalClown · 27/04/2008 22:44

I don't think it's going to. He reckons he too hard hearted and uncaring anymore.
And last night didn't mean anything to him.

I can't believe I'm letting this get to me so much.
I'm better off staying single.

OP posts:
littlewoman · 27/04/2008 23:49

Do you know, I can usually see both sides of a story. I'm such a weedy person, I can even justify other people being rude to me half the time. But I really can't see his argument here and you know why .... because all he had to say was "I'm really sorry, it's never going to happen between us".

All this bollocks he's giving you is misdirected anger towards his ex gf perhaps. In which case he should put the nasty attitude firmly where it firmly belongs, in her direction, and give you a break. This guy's (even if momentarily) a screw up, and you so don't need a bloke like that PC.

littlewoman · 27/04/2008 23:50

Did I mention he should do it 'firmly'?

Hecate · 28/04/2008 07:31

so basically he was happy to sleep with you but doesn't want a relationship with you and is trying to make out that you've somehow done something wrong? eh? Sounds like he doesn't want to be seen for the using bastard he is, so is coming up with some bollocks to blame you for him not wanting more . Don't waste another tear on him. He used you.

Agree that there was NO reason for him to be so cruel. You should thank your lucky stars, tbh, that you have actually been saved from even getting into a relationship with someone who can be so horrible!

OverMyDeadBody · 28/04/2008 07:38

He's being an imature idiot, ffs what a way to react to someone telling you they like you!

Don't waste your tears PC, put it behind you as a narrow escape, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/04/2008 08:14

you would never have been happy with the scraps he was throwing you. You have been pining for 10 years after a guy who will shag you but gets nasty if you talk about feelings. Would you have wanted to carry on like that forever? Being stuck on this guy is preventing you from meeting anyone else, who would love you back.
He has done you a favour xxx

WowOoo · 28/04/2008 08:18

You are better off single, you know it. This arrangement always works out better for men!
Now, you have better chance of finding a decent bloke and you are young, so don't stress. x

Original poster
PersonalClown · 28/04/2008 08:42

Morning all! Thanks for the advice.
I feel so much better after crying it all out last night.

We carried on talking to midnight and by the end of the conversation, I realised that I never really knew the real him.
I guess he has done me a favour. Shame it had to hurt so much though.
All I got was 'I'm never going to let anyone in and hurt me again'.
I realised that he's so much more screwed up than me. At least I still have hope of meeting someone and realise that you have to take risks in order to find someone that will treat you right.

I just diappointed that the last 15 years were fake.
Live and learn I guess.

OP posts:
StressTeddy · 28/04/2008 08:49

Glad you feel better pc. Things really do often seem better in the morning don't they??

Please step away from this relationship - it will not bring out the best in you

You are right about taking risks in order to find the right person, but as soon as your alarm bells start to ring, no matter how much you think you like them, run a mile!

Hope you have a good day and keep strong

SparklyGothKat · 28/04/2008 08:50

PC!! get on facebook chat!

contentiouscat · 28/04/2008 08:53

Some men make really nice friends but have so much baggage they are really crap boyfriends. I had a friend like that he was a great FWB but useless as a boyfriend as he had terrible committment issues - as the sex was great I just kept him as a FWB while it suited and got on with looking for someone with more depth

As you already have feelings for him having him as an FWB is going to be too hard so I would just chalk it up to experience and think what a shallow life he is going to live Dont be tempted into anything on his terms - too many women waste valuable years of their lives on men like this and it sounds like you want more than a casual fling.

SparklyGothKat · 28/04/2008 08:55

you deserve better PC. I know the man involved and yes, he is very screwed up, you need to stay away, don't go back and get on with your life

Original poster
PersonalClown · 28/04/2008 09:13

I've already decided not to go back at all.
I can't be dealing with his insecurites and problems. I have enough of my own!!

Maybe one day we could be friends again(just friends) but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon.
I need to look after myself and Ds first and foremost.

OP posts:
littlewoman · 28/04/2008 09:14

So glad you feel a bit better this morning. Good for you, PC. Onward and upward!!

2sugars · 28/04/2008 09:19

how do you know the man involved SGC?

Original poster
PersonalClown · 28/04/2008 09:21

Old mutual friend 2sugars.
We've know him since we were teenagers.
SGK was my best friend at secondary school!

OP posts:
SparklyGothKat · 28/04/2008 09:39

Know PC for many many years (year 7 at secondary school) and have know the man involved since I was 16.

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