how do I overcome an anxious attachment?

[Overthinker89]

hey all, been seeing someone new. we've only been together a few months. I am a self sufficient, strong, independent single Mamma most of the time. Until I meet someone I like. I almost afraid of it because I'm just bracing for them to end it and leave me hurt every
day. Sometimes I find it so hard to let people in for fear of getting hurt in this way. Has anyone got any tips for the anxious part of attachment brain that
tells me "he's not into you." "he's changed his mind etc." anyone got any good distraction activities? Atm I just hide my phone from myself so I don't spiral if he texts less than usual. Ridiculous I know. When my son is with me I'm 100% focused on him so thats a good distraction but when he is at nursery and I'm at work I constantly check my phone..

Someone on here kindly recommended this to me before - The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest. It really helped me with this sort of thing.

There is areally good book on attachment styles in relationships called Attached. https://www.waterstones.com/book/attached/amir-levine/rachel-heller/9781529032178?gclid=Cj0KCQiA_9u5BhCUARIsABbMSPspsjA43QClTcv8Hwfo_wuvuQXapSNOYtnnmFI5skDjq7178Uv252gaAmKAEALw_wcB&gad_source=1

^ agree re this book

But what really changes things is:

• being with someone who has secure attachment
• seeing their consistency of responsiveness over time

If you have AA being with someone avoidant will be very triggering, being with someone secure (50% of the population) will not- and arguably isn’t worth it/good for you

Is there something your boyfriend does that makes you feel anxious? Talk to him about it and see how he responds

If he’s going to be uncontactable/busy you could ask him to tell you

Having the next time you will see each other planned can also reduce anxiety