advice please? (a bit long)

[REIDmylips]

I need a bit of advice please. I am not sure whether i am being unreasonable in the way i am feeling at the moment and would like some non biased opinions (i have a feeling some of my friends are just trying to be polite)

DH & I have a 20 month old DS. DH is great with out little boy and loves him very much, however i am getting more and more upset/angry with the lack of time that dh is spending with us. i get home from work at 3.30pm, pick ds up from nursery around 4.15ish. DH finishes work at 4pm. For the last few weeks he has gone to play golf or football after work at least once if not more times a week. This means he gets in around 6pm when ds goes to bed between half 6 and quarter to 7pm.

He told me this morning that he was finishing work early today and that really cheered me up thinking he wanted to spend time with us, then i found out that Everton were on the tv (who he supports).i took DS to my mums for the afternoon and dh said i should stay there for tea if ds was happy (so he could watch the footy in peace) he has just informed me he is going to the pub tonight with his mate 'if i dont mind'.

He has been out either with work or the lads for the last few Friday nights, which has been straight from work. Dont get me wrong, if i told him i wanted to go out, he wouldnt mind - as long as we dont need a babysitter. Which is why i am wondering whether it is me being a little over sensitive? one final point, DH has not seen DS for more than 10mins since Wednesday because of either work or socialising.

so your parenting styles are slightly different.... just let him do it his way, and ASK him to do stuff...'ok, you bath DS and i will make supper/ hoover/ have drink / whatever.....' don;t make it optional, ifyswim.

point out what needs doing, if you both work full time, then you need to ensure that you are not feeling the burden is all yours

or do stuff that will make life easier

get a cleaner or someone to do the ironing,so that your time after work is not just mundane house chores etc

lol at dh bathing ds, he has never done that. DH is off work tomorrow and MIL usually looks after ds. I will be interested to find out what they do together - this hasn't happened for ages! I am guessing that dh will spend the morning with ds, then take him to mil after his nap/lunch around 1pm then go to the gym etc and pick him up just before i get in from work.

its never too late to start!

think i will try the 'you bath him while i do...' tomorrow and maybe try to be a bit more assertive (SP?)this week. Both of our parents are away next weekend and dh is off work, so there is nowhere to run, so to speak (i spend a lot of time at my parents when dh not around) so if things havent improved by then, we can talk.

Thank ou again for the advice, it is really helpful

hope things get better. nip it in the bud and talk, i am sure he wants the best for you and ds x

me too lulu and thankyou.

I hope things get sorted Reid.
I cant believe DH has never bathed DS! I am one of these mothers that make sure that the father does his bit.
I have done shift work where Ive worked in the evening so DH hasnt had much choice but to bath the kids.

He even does the kids uniforms on sunday too if Im working.
I only work P/T too so I dont even have the excuse that you have about doing everything as well as working F/T.....kids are hard work...constant even if you dont work.
The trouble is the more you keep doing it & saying nothing the more he will take that for granted with the > look! Plus it will make you feel less happy about doing it too.

you speak sence ML! in my own mind i kind of already knew all these things, i think ineeded an outsider to agree yswim before i bring it with dh.

Thats the trouble with "us women"....we think too much about the situation & then it never gets said....
Although some women would just open their mouths & say it in an aggressive way!!

Nothing wrong with wanting advise about it though & the good thing is you at least can reassure yourself now that its NOT just you

Think is has already been said, I would ensure DS was fed, clean and watered and go to town for an hour or so, this time got longer and then involved a task for example lunch. We have done bath time together from the start, well that is a lie I was doing it til I thought WTF he was sat doing nothing as I was busting a gut so got him involved, maybe he just isn't confident?

he has bathed ds with me when he was younger, confidence was an issue then, but not anymore. I think he thinks that raising ds is easier than it actually is. This is a really bad example (more than anything) but in an afternoon we have the tv on in the background while ds potters around and plays. I always make sure i know what ds is doing and will have his fave tv progs on. When i go up for a shower etc i ill find dh has put sky sports on and ds is in the conservatory alone playing. He is quite happy to play alone but i think he needs to have some time with dh in this situation iyswim.

It may just be second nature for DH to do this...therefore when you do mention it dont be if he looks surprised! It may also be due to how DH was brought up..therefore not knowing any different.
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world even if you have got the easiest of DC or the best help from your DP.
Maybe just a simple question "do you think you spend enough time with DS when your on your own together" It may give him something to think about at least!