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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m a 34-year-old man and I’ve never had a girlfriend

2 replies

Neima41 · 15/11/2024 04:40

Hi I should explain that I have OCD and that’s the reason I’ve started the same discussion twice now, so apologies. I hope I don’t get banned. My name is Neima, I’m a 34-year-old man and I’m new to Mumsnet. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never been on a date, and I’ve never had sex. I did kiss a girl when I was younger. Girls have always found me attractive, I’ve always been told I have nice eyes and I’ve been told nice things about my appearance. A female classmate at school and a female schoolfriend even asked me out. A gay man was also attracted to me earlier this year. The problem with me is I can be quiet and am kind of awkward and shy. I get a haircut every 3 or 4 weeks and I get my beard done regularly and I try to dress better.

I am socialising more, I recently had dinner with the man who lives in the flat above the flat I used to live in, I went to a Meetup thing recently and am going to another on Saturday. I met someone who told me about a service at a church next to Hammersmith broadway and even though I’m not religious in the slightest, I went along because I wanted to meet new people. I am in contact with a few people on Facebook and one person on LinkedIn.

Despite all of this I feel lonely. I’ve cried loads of times over the past three months, and I’ve lost weight due to the stress.

I really love children, and I’m meeting someone who is helping me find a job. I would like to work in a primary school, as a teaching assistant, teaching art, or in a nursery. I studied art at college, and I enjoyed drawing when I was younger.

Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Beautifulbouquet · 15/11/2024 04:47

Hi

It's brilliant that you're looking to take action to feel happier.

Your situation is probably more common than you think. So it's unusual but its not abnormal.

Quite a few people only start dating in their thirties.

Loneliness is such a horrible feeling and it affects our health.

Just keep doing what you're doing...going to meet ups, accepting invitations.

At meet ups or church you could ask people if they are on instagram or any other platform and grow your network that way.

Just keep going. Life can change quickly when we recognise we need to make changes.

LauderSyme · 15/11/2024 05:02

Have you thought about taking up art as a serious hobby? You could join art classes like watercolour painting or life drawing, or even ceramics or jewellery-making. You could visit exhibitions at museums and galleries and maybe become a member of institutions like the Royal Academy or Tate Modern and attend special views and lectures.

If you prefer to enjoy your art privately, drawing and creating just for your own pleasure and pastime could be really good for your mental health; it can get your mind in a zone where your daily struggles and preoccupations melt away.

It must be hard dealing with OCD. I wonder if you'd consider seeking treatment and support? It sounds like you are on a very positive trajectory, all in all. Wishing you all the best with everything.

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