First FWB experience - overthinking

[TriPopz]

A couple of weeks ago I got talking to a guy on Hinge. He chased me pretty relentlessly for a week, clearly just for sex, but to be honest the clarity of it was refreshing after months of talking to idiots...

We met up and had unexpectedly great sex. A couple of days later, I messaged to see if he'd be up for doing it again sometime, in a FWB type arrangement. He responded positively. A week later I asked him if he was free that evening - another positive response from him, met up, more sex etc etc. The day after, I text him, just a friendly text regarding something we'd discussed the previous night (not sex 😅). He didn't respond. Fair enough.

Now, I'd really like to f*CK him again this weekend but my ego is saying that it's "his turn" to text and I don't want to be harassing/annoying him and it would be nice to be chased a bit. Should I instigate again or?

sounds like you’ve been doing all the asking doesn’t sound like he would bother again if you didn’t ask just an observation

TBH I would not contact him unless he contacts you. Do you really want just sex? Me, I bond. I cannot do 'just sex.'

Think how you would feel if he didn't reply at all. You ask him over for sex and he doesn't even bother replying at all. I think you're on dodgy ground - he's had sex with you. If he was interested in seeing you he would have been in touch by now. If he is not up for a relationship you won't be able to change that.

WAS it a FWB you were after or more? (I learned the hard way btw so no judgment from me xxx.)

Are you sure that he doesn’t have a fwb with anyone else? Could be he’s getting it elsewhere but just a guess.

That sounds like a fuck buddy.

With a FWB (friends with benefits) there’s something friendly about it. I would have expected a reply, and especially since it’s early days and you’re still establishing it.

I think you have to have the right mindset to do one or the other. I can do FWB but I can’t do fuck buddy.

The nearest I ever had to a FWB would only meet once a month at most. He was right tbh, on his own terms anyway. Sex every week is a relationship. There's no sign that he wants a relationship.

I dealt with it by seeing a loooooot of other guys. The sex wasn't always the very top compared to Mr Monthly but the entertainment, interest and distraction were excellent.

I wouldn't contact him again unless he contacts you.

I wasn't looking for a FWB specifically but it's a nice distraction! I don't want a relationship with him, he's not even really my type 😂 But yeah, I haven't done this sort of thing before so still figuring out if it's for me really.

Yes you're right. There's a definite contrast between the initial "friendliness" and now

If you just want a shag, then call him. Turn it around and look at it from your point of view and what you want, not what he thinks of you or wants from you, so if you genuinely just want to scratch an itch with no expectations at all then call him

However, if you're looking for something more, then move on cos it doesn't sound like he is

Your not a FWB. There's no friendship here. To him your just a slab of meat. If you're happy to be treated like that, carry on, but I wouldn't.

This is a wise post.

Many moons ago, in my 20s, I had a casual only thing with a guy. We were both clear it was a situational thing that suited us both - he was moving abroad so I knew it was time limited as I wasn't looking for a LDR and neither was he.

Anyway after a few weekends of fun, one week i sexted (words, no pics, as I'm so old this was practically the Victorian times) and he didn't reply. It was honestly the most mortifying thing. I'm cringing writing this.

there’s plenty of D out there tbh it’s bordering on desperate to keep asking him if he’s showing no interest back, as a man he should be pretty keen on meeting up again when he knows you just want sex most men would be up for that the fact he isn’t messaging you says it all i don’t know why people are telling you to message again honestly if he turned round and said no or just didn’t respond would you genuinely not feel bothered?

You are overthinking. You want to use him for sex, not pick up his sweaty socks and listen to him slurp his soup.

Ring him, ride him, send him home.

God this brings back bad memories.

After I divorced in 2003, I agreed to a casual thing and for him that’s exactly what it was. It started that way for me too but after a few weeks of him coming round to basically shag me, he goes a bit cold on text. Anyway by now I have started to think it may be more and I send him a message which I thought would do the trick. If I read it now I would absolutely cringe! More silence! That was the last I heard from him.

Few months later I found out I wasn’t the only one and he had basically been seeing a few women. Problem was, he was really good in bed and I think this is the problem. If he is, other women will be on the scene and you won’t be the only one. Why would a man have one friends with benefits when he can have 3!

I think I would leave it and see if he contacts you. He probably won’t though.

It might be that he thought your message was sliding into more than 'someone I have sex with' territory and that's why he didn't reply. It sounds like he's now happy for you to do all the chasing but if you just want sex when you want sex then why not?

If you text him about sex and he doesn't reply then there's no real loss is there? He's just a slab of meat to you as much as you are to him. Just text him, see if he's interested, if not then it was a bit of fun that's now over and you can move on. I think if you wait for him to text you then you could wait forever, you're not playing dating games, you're just getting your itch scratched.

This is a good summary. You want sex, so just message him and get it

She's treating him the same way. That's what fuck buddies are. If everyone is on the same page and happy with the arrangement then no one is being taken advantage of are they.

hardly treating her the same way he doesn’t even contact her

FWB is great but tough if you're not mentally prepared for it.

@downwindofyou

This line says otherwise:

* 'I text him, just a friendly text regarding something we'd discussed the previous night (not sex 😅)*'

They are not in the same page. You are nothing to him. You are a vagina on legs. He's not interested in your 'friendly texts' and discussions.

Sounds harsh but I think there are a lot of silly women who get themselves into these situations without really understanding what they're getting themselves into, and then regret it. If you're ok with the above then no problem, but most women are not happy with being ignored after sex, even though they might think that they can handle it.

Yeah you're right. I want a FWB but I've actually got a fuck buddy. I wasn't really prepared for the complete lack of care afterwards. Need to do some thinking I guess

I’ve been there op, I had a F buddy for years when I was much younger. He was handsome but treated me very poorly and I ended up with a soft spot for him regardless (thanks stupid love/sex hormone). There was no friendship nor respect until I got in a relationship.

Just be very careful with your feelings I suppose. Don’t let it hold you back from meeting someone who sees your true value. You’re both free agents. Although now, in my 30s I’d be wary of spending time with any man willing to behave like this tbh.

OP, think of a friend. Not your best friend but a good woman you used to work with maybe. You meet up for drinks or walks or whatever, sometimes more, or sometimes less frequently. You haven’t met her family but you know she gets annoyed with her aunt and loves her dad. You have a laugh, sometimes go to the cinema, and when you’re busy you just say that and she understands. You’ll start texting again after this busy patch. And you have sex.

To me, that is what my FWBs have been like. Don’t decide they’re not for you based on this one guy, because they can be really good.

Surely if you're just having sex who cares who texts first? If you want sex, text him! That's the rules

But you probably need to feel OK with the idea of him not replying