Would you tell your friend you think her sons autistic?

[Savers43]

Friend of many years, we both have children same age. I have 3 and she has 1. Our boys are both 7.
her sons behaviour is so challenging. Throws great big tantrums where he wrecks the house and fully punches and hits her, spits at her etc.
finds it hard to engage with other children, does not seem to understand how to just join in with their games or how the other kids have just ‘made up’ a game themselves and this upsets me as if he’s been left out. Although at school he gets on ok, she says.
I work in the SEN field and I would like to say I feel like he may be autistic, no me it seems quite obvious but she has never mentioned it but often talks about his behaviour and not knowing what to do. It upsets my children when they see his outbursts and there is a very clear difference between his behaviour and other children.
how can I support for with this?

Could you gently ask her to seek some support via the Gp? They may refer him for an assessment

Don't mention it unless she initiates the topic.

I've worked in autism diagnosis for 20 years and I've never brought it up to friends or family unprompted.

I also have my own autistic child and wouldn't have wanted a friend to broach anything about this before I was ready.

My experience of this kind of thing never ends well. As someone who sees a lot of children who may, or may not be on the spectrum it's a subject best avoided.

She does ask me things like how I would deal with it if my children hit me etc and does seem to be struggling

Just to add to this, I would signpost her for general support. Eg school, GP for CAMHS referral.

Goodness no.
I’m a very experienced SEND professional, I am sure without a single doubt that my nephew is autistic.
My brother and SIL do not see it, when they start to notice - which they will and ask for my advice I will give it but it isn’t my place to tell them.

Don't. She will shoot the messenger.

When she asks what you’d do or says she doesn’t know what to do just say have you spoken to GP

Don't say anything. It's for her to deal with. I'll eat my hat if my nephew isn't autistic but he has never been diagnosed unless my brother and his family have kept it secret.

Im surprised the number of people saying don't say anything.... I wouldn't just blurt it out but I mean I don't see why you can't say anything if she's asking. Something along the lines of "have you asked the school senco for support. Do you think he may have asd or something else going on?"

Perhaps she knows but doesn’t feel a need to tell you about her son’s medical conditions

If she's honestly asking for opinions and help then I think it's ok to ask if she's considered that he might have some SEN.

But how does she react when he tantrums and hits and spits etc? A good friend of mine has two children that have tantrums when they can't get their own way. Most of the time my friend gives in to them so in their case it's not them having special needs, it's them having learnt their mother is a soft touch and they just have to scream for long enough and usually she'll give in.