This is a long one I'm afraid.
20 years ago I met my now husband. Fell in love straight away, both of us in our mid 20s at the time. Young and stupid looking back. Bought a house together within 2 years, I took on his 2 kids and loved them like my own. I struggled with my mental health, I suffered dv in my previous relationship. A year after buying our house something felt off, I'd gone part time in a job I'd been in for 7 years and that I loved to look after his eldest who came to live with us as my partner earned more money and this seemed like the right thing to do. As time went on my suspicions grew, he kept disappearing on weekends and getting secretive with his phone. Any time I said anything I was told I was paranoid. This went on for atleast 6 months. Then my grandfather passed away and my mental health got worse. So did his disappearing. Eventually it came out he was seeing someone else. Taking his kids there at weekends and coming home telling me I'm crazy. Things escalated, we lost the house. I went to stay with friends but essentially I was homeless. I struggled for 3 years and got back on feet. We had no contact and I moved on.
3 years later he contacts me out the blue wanting to talk about the kids as something big had happened. We chatted for a while and he asked to see me. I agreed as friends.
We became friends, and i was able to see the kids again which meant alot to me.
After some time we both realised we had grown up alot. We were able to discuss what had happened and he explained he wasn't able to deal with my mental health aswell as the stress of money. We didn't get back together but we did end up sleeping together a few times. I caught pregnant, I was 30 at this point and it completely caught us off guard. We talked long and hard and decided we would give it another go and have the baby.
Our little girl become the best thing to happen to us. Life was so good. We put the past behind us. He proposed to me a year after our daughter was born. My family loved him and agreed that what had happened would be forgotten as they know deep down he's a good guy. We couldn't marry for years as money was tight. Eventually we managed to book our wedding for 2023. Our daughter would be turning 12 that year. But 2022 I had the worst possible news, my mum was diagnosed with a glioblastoma brain tumour. We were told we may have 6- 12 months with her if treatment works. My mum really wanted to see us marry so we brought the wedding forward to July 2022. It was a lovely but sad day as we knew mum was deteriorating. Mum passed away 11 days after our wedding. It was they most painful and sad time of my entire life.
And from that point on mine and my husbands relationship has slowly deteriorated. I felt no support from him, I spend alot of time crying on my own. He has no idea how to be emotionally supportive.
I'm now at a point where I feel trapped in a loveless marriage. We rent a house because of our previous issues with buying (1st house was repossessed)
We constantly fall out, or snap at eachother. There's no sexual connection anymore.
We do get on sometimes but it's like housemates. I've tried talking but he hates conflict so I get nothing from him. He says he wants things to work but nothing changes.
I'm currently working but through an agency so I know I can not afford to go rent my own place. I'm hoping to get a job with a friend after Xmas which will be full time and good money so I'd be able to get my own place. But my daughter who is now 13 gets so stressed thinking we will split up I can't bare to do it to her. I honestly don't know where to go from here. Deep down the love is still there, but I know things won't change. I've even tried taking the blame as I've been struggling with my grief and mental health, but is it too much to ask for, for a husband to hug you and support you when your sad? Instead leaves me alone to "calm down" for hours. I feel so lost and lonely. I can't even reach out to my mum anymore.
Please someone tell me there is hope one way or the other.