Help me - please give me balanced opinions

[confusedandhurt11]

I'm in a relationship, have been for 5 years. Very loving and kind. I've had some issues with my weight and our sex life has occasionally gone downhill but DP says I'm gorgeous etc. fully in love, I thought he was the most wonderful person in the world.
Last night someone sent me a TikTok - I don't have it but downloaded it to see what it was and out of curiosity looked to see who he followed. About 100 profiles of type you don't want to find, so many women in incredibly sexy poses etc. instagram has a few too.
I feel so upset and hurt - please please tell me what you would think?! Am I overreacting and this is just the done thing or is it so out of order? I feel like I don't know him.

I would feel very betrayed by this OP.
You have discovered a part of your DH you weren't aware of.
If you are supposed to be in a monogamous relationship your DH seeking sexual gratification from other women is not acceptable.

I'm so so hurt. I feel like he is fine and happy to do things he knows would hurt me providing I don't know about it. I had such faith and trust in him, I feel like the world's biggest fool.

I wouldn't be very happy about this either.
Can you have an open conversation about this? Can you tell him how hurt you are by his actions?

Sorry OP. This would not be ok with me if was my DH. I would be having some serious words and feel sick to the stomach. So utterly disrespectful. I hope he's remorseful and realises it's not ok!

We've spoken about it. He's very sorry and has unfollowed everyone. Yes sick is actually how I feel, I feel completely derailed. How do I go back to what we had? I feel doubtful of him, like I can't trust him which I never, ever dreamed would happen.

Anyone else at all?

It's really about what you're comfortable with. Going against the grain, men will always like to look at sexy women. A lot of women have no idea what their husbands are looking at online. People will disagree with me but that's what believe. One hundred accounts does seem a little excessive though.

I understand that you're in despair, but you made your post an hour ago...
Give people some time to respond 😉

Sorry @Girlmom35, you are very right of course. Yes please go against the grain @SallyWD - would it bother you?

So this is my honest opinion - if I knew DH had been looking at some sexy photos or following a few accounts of sexy women, it genuinely wouldn't bother me at all. I follow a couple of actors I find very sexy, simply because I enjoy gazing at them and fantasising about them. However, if my DH was obsessively and excessively looking at sexy women, then I'd have a problem with it. I mean, if he was spending hours looking at them, rather than the occasional appreciative glance.
I feel the same about porn. Occasionally looking at porn whilst masturbating is not a problem to me (at all). Becoming a porn addict and it impacting our sex life would very much be a problem to me.

Thanks @SallyWD. I just feel shaken - like what else is he doing that I can't see? Only fans? Messages? Cheating?! I don't know where the trust line is and it's rocked me a bit.

I think you need to look at the whole picture of your relationship and from what you have said, it sounds like you have a really good one.
Lots of people enjoy looking at sexy things, its enjoyable. That's all you have found your husband is doing. He loves you and is good to you. I don't think him enjoying looking at sexy things sometimes detracts from that.

I wouldn't be into it. When I was dating I'd always have a swatch at who they followed on ig and if it was all bikini influencers I was outta there. I wouldn't take it as a reflection on yourself though, whoever he was with I imagine he'd be doing the same thing. It's just....crass? And a little pathetic?

He says he barely goes on TT and it's from before we were together. He's devastated apparently, he feels so ashamed of himself. He's deleted everything (I didn't ask him too).
Our relationship was solid. Absolutely solid. We laugh together, he's my team and my rock. We are open and communicate. He looks after me and he is the last person in the world I thought would hurt me. I just feel a bit rocked.

Had he been sending any DMs or making any contact?
It's very brazen to have this sort of thing on his own, named profile.
Are you sure this is all there is.
I'd wonder if he is using cams, only fans, anything else.
Men who follow hundreds of sexy women openly while they have a partner are not inhibited. BS that it's from before you were together.

No contact. Yes I know, it was right there to see. He swears no to anything else. He says I know he would never do that but this time yesterday I knew 100% he wasn't the sort of man to follow stuff like that. I don't know what to think or feel.

That's the only plus that I can think of really - it isn't hidden. I know he doesn't use TT a lot and if it was hidden he would be trying to hide it IYSWIM.
I'm so bloody bruised.

It totally depends. My DH did it for the first 4 years of our relationship. I didn't really mind him looking at people what I really minded is that he spent the.money that we desperately needed.

I don't think there is money involved @Chattenoire - and tbh he pays all the bills and rent. I do the food shopping (I'm a mature student and he earns a lot more).
Why did your DH stop out of interest?

I basically gave him an ultimatum. He would have become basically homeless as I'm the higher earner. I genuinely don't think he would have stopped without it.

However, we live a totally happy marriage outside of that and the last three years have been fairly blissful.

Thank you for sharing @Chattenoire. I really appreciate everyone's input.