Hi,
I'm hoping some wise people might be able to help me. I seem to have got myself in to a shit situation - I know, I know, I need to leave.
I'm in the process of trying to leave it all behind. He ended it again last night, I've already been in therapy the last few weeks due to the mind games of it all and the effect it's had on the way I view myself.
What is it called when someone creates situations that make you react? Say silent treatment as a scenario? Or hiding things? Or refusing to follow through on promises?
Then if I get upset about it I'm then made to be the bad person? He bought something and didn't tell me (around £15k not just a mars bar or something) on Friday, only told me last night because I said "you push me away when you want to do something you don't think I'll agree with like ..." and he said "I did that Friday, I didn't tell you because of how you would react". He'll say I'm the problem and that's why he needs to hide stuff or go silent, but really I'm reacting to the lies or the silence and the gaslighting? Everything's made to be my fault because I'm hurt I've been treated badly?
I will never understand how people can say they love someone and choose to hurt them at the same time. I know it's manipulation or gaslighting, maybe narcissistic tendencies ("I'm sorry you feel like that" is another favourite) but what's the act of choosing to do something that will make you react so you can be the bad person called?