Is this what I think it is or just mean behaviour…

[6weekstochristmas]

i suspect it’s narcissistic behaviour on my partners behalf,
he is between jobs at the minute and refuses to help me with the school drop off in case anyone thinks he’s unemployed.

Well just that 3xample isn't much to go on.

He could just be embarrassed.

But if its combined with a huge grandiose ego then that arguably changes things.

As does if he makes excuses not to do any of his share in the home or with the kids.

No need to differentiate between 'mean' and 'narcissistic'. If he's a dick he's a dick.

You can leave anyone for any reason you like. You don't need to justify it. And you don't need his permission.

But all you've described to us is someone embarrassed by being unemployed and anxious about what others will think. That in itself is neither mean or narcissistic.

Too be fair, at least it brings the topic into discussion. More people will Google it and find they are genuinely going through abuse.

I'd rather it was incorrectly used than not spoken about at all.

Narcissistic? I think you have no idea what this means.

I think he embarrassed about being unemployed. I wouldn’t jump to narcissism myself.

I think he's being silly if he's worried about that. Nobody would think anything, and if they did they might equally think he works shifts, or you're rich and he doesn't need to work, or he is on sick leave.

I don't really know what narcissistic means either by the way, at least the official psychological meaning anyway (if there is one). To me it just means 'someone who thinks too highly of themselves'. Isn't it from a Greek myth, where someone fell in love with his own reflection?

He is either embarrassed or lazy. Don't know about narcissistic. Narcissism is a personality disorder so there should be other signs if he has it, but I think it's one of those terms that people overuse to describe someone who is a total arsehole.

Does he at least help get the kids ready and do breakfast? If you are having to get yourself ready to go out early, I would expect him to be up and helping the kids.

He might indeed be embarrassed & depressed & feeling utter shit about being unemployed & not being able to provide for his family, but not doing the school run? are probably as many dads as mums do mine? Perhaps less dads on the pick up if I think about it, but still a fair margin.

We drop at 8.20, breakfast club from 7.30, unless it's a horrible commute why wouldn't you be working?

That's not enough information. He could be lazy embarrassed but I don't think not doing the school run makes him narcissistic. Is something else going on making you wonder if he's narcissistic.

Well he definitely sounds like he has a fragile ego (as well as a limited imagination… I do school drop-offs and pick-ups while holding down a full-time job) but that doesn’t make him a full-blown narcissist.

Everyone can and does behave in narcissistic ways at times, it’s the scale and consistency of such behaviour that may qualify someone for a diagnosis.

It was more because I had zero sleep with a teething baby but he cared more about strangers thinking he was unemployed than helping me

Sounds a bit immature and probably low in self esteem at the moment. Narcissism isn’t a one off event it’s a total lack of care of anyone’s needs, manipulative, controlling, aggressive, self centred, superior, rejection sensitive, attacking when triggered, silent treatment etc etc. They are horrible people.

also it’s not about money worries that’s not a problem

Refusing to do the school run and making themselves out to be a victim absolutely is the kind of thing a narcissist would do. But it's also the kind of thing someone who is selfish would do. Or lazy. Or someone who is feeling insecure. Or someone who is depressed. Or someone who is worried about what others think.

On thing that fits in the bubble of behaviours that are narcissistic is not, in any way, a sign of narcissism. You'd need a lot more examples and issues and even then, at best, we'd be abel to tell you that this is narcissistic behaviour but that doesn't necessarily mean your partner is a narcissist.

Do you understand what narcissistic behaviour is OP? 🤦‍♀️

Everyone’s a narcissistic with a PD on Mumsnet. Apart from the OP’s …of course!

I would give him some slack on the school run issue so long as he is picking it up somewhere else in the day.

I think you've had a bad night and are over-thinking. He is being self-centred but hopefully that'll go soon when he gets a new job.