Does your OH make you a better person?

[theprincessthepea]

I’m just reflecting on this question and wondered how important it is to you that your life partner makes you a better person. In my last long term relationship, we really bought out the worst in eachother. We argued constantly, it seemed like everything I did frustrated my ex and he always went beyond my boundaries - it ended up toxic - even though I’d like to think that we are decent people.

In my current relationship we respect boundaries - we don’t push eachother beyond our triggers but at the same time we support each others dreams and ambitions, and I also run my own business,
with children - so to have someone who can be part of that, and not limit my ambition (which often happens a lot when a woman is pretty independent) makes me feel relieved.

It’s not the only defying factor but I was speaking to another ambitious female friend who stuck with her now husband because they equally challenge eachother but also they bring out the best in eachother and are supportive of one another’s goals. Another friend just started a business with her husband.

How important is it for a relationship to bring up the best in you. I guess the opposite is to coast through life together.

I think it’s really important, but not just in a financial/career sense, in general.

Not really , been together 20 years . He makes my life easier in a lot of ways ( earns more than me , does diy , would do anything for me etc ) but can also be a pain the the arse ( Very loud . And due to his ADHD can be forthright , doesn't read the room , I can sometimes be embarrassed by his actions ) but on the whole we rarely argue or fall out .
But I'm not a better person because of him , nor him because of me .

Defining "best" is going to be subjective. I would say yes, my DH is a key factor in the reasons why I'm happy, content, etc., he's got my back, and I respect his integrity. His opinion matters greatly to me - for the most part I problem solve on my own, but he is the only person I consult over a problem when I can't square it myself. He's also incredibly patient and accommodating of some things that, because of this, help me to feel better in myself. We "get" each other, make each other laugh daily, and I feel completely open, honest and understood, i.e. safe to be me. This all results in my feeling better resourced to get out there and do what I do. That said, I did all the 10 years of ground work for my role before he and I met, and that's the time in my life when I needed to be most ambitious, striving, etc.

My DH makes me want to be better and less selfish. He loves me unconditionally and cares only about my health and happiness but I am a naturally selfish person and have to work hard to be more considerate and empathetic. He is worth the effort

Yes. No question.

I think so yes. He is so good tempered and upbeat. It makes me feel better just being with him. He was also brought up in a very secure and happy family and this rubs off on me, because mine was the polar opposite. When we first got together it became apparent to me that I feel like a better person because of him.

I'm already absolutely brilliant!

I'm only half joking actually. I had relationships with several men before I met 'the one', and they all ended actually badly or fizzled out for one reason or another.

But the truth for me is that I only met and clicked with him after I had found peace with myself, was doing well on my own, and basically had become an accomplished woman that an accomplished man would find attractive.

Who knows if we'd met ten years earlier, if we'd have made a go of it. I'd like to think so but I'm not so sure.

Having said that I do believe 100% that you can meet young and grow together.

Similar to @VoodooQualities ,once I started loving myself and focusing on being the best I could, that's when I had a healthy relationship. I stopped dating apps and only did fun things or hung out with good strong people. My current partner who I met 2 years later, enhances me and because I feel so happy, I can be the best that I can be. Others have brought me down in many respects because I was broken and looking inadvertently for someone to change/save me so leaving myself open to crap scenarios.

Yes. Absolutely. We have been married 30 yo next year. No regrets. Always pulled his share with children and homelife.