Found out OH on dating apps

[Blowingahoolly]

What’s a person to do?

Frankly I've been in this, and similar situations, at different times in my life, with different types of relationships and partners. It never gets better, only worse. The lack of trust, questioning yourself and them ,eventually wears you down. Be done with it now, or soon, and move on.Get yourself out of it, somehow...you won't regret it. If they don't care about you enough to show you loyalty and respect, then that's on them. They are on a different path and if that is not what you want, then unfortunately it's you that needs to shut that shit down in order to retain your sanity and self esteem. It's shit, I know, but remember, you can never make someone do what they really don't want to ..so asking, pleading even, is pointless..they are not for you. You are meant for better things clearly.

Together years, house , children. No abuse. I know the answer and good advice but still interesting to hear other people’s take

@Blowingahoolly, I posted yesterday and apologize for assuming that your OH is male.

In my marriage, I would consider my H being on dating sites as infidelity. Like I previously stated, I would not do the pick me dance in any way, shape or form. If my H is happy to trash my trust and our family by hunting for illicit sexual adventures or emotional boosts, then he can return to singledom.

Your Wife is responsible for protecting her fidelity. If she had any issues with the marriage or in her life, she had a range of ethical options to use to deal with them. Instead she is making unethical, destructive choices by investing elsewhere/advertising herself on dating sites.

You may want to investigate further by checking her phone. When you confront, be ready for her to shed crocodile tears, lie, gaslight, downplay, or blame shift. Don’t buy into any of that manipulation.

As you don’t know how far she’s gone with this, you should book an STD test.

You need to be sure the reasons first. So she can't lie or bluff her way out of it.

Rather than fly off the handle I’d rather find out the reasons she’s decided to pursue that route and work through. Thank you for all the comments / advice , it’s been helpful