I am 44 and married to my husband for the past decade. About 7 years ago, he stopped having sex with me and blames it on being a "mental" block. He says he can't have sex with me if I am not the perfect wife apparently. Anyway, the lack of intimacy has really caused a rift between us, one so deep and wide that I don't see a way back nor do I really want to go back. I am not attracted to him anymore and don't want to sleep with him. At this point, I am basically staying with him for my kids.
That being said, about 4 months ago, I began an affair with a coworker. He pursued me and I didn't say no. We've known each other for more than a decade and have never crossed the line until now. We are both married with kids.
He says he is "happy" but he never talks about his wife, just the kids. How he doesn't want to lose his kids which I totally understand. I don't want to share time with kids either. I want them with me all the time.
He even told me we had to stop because he didn't want to get caught but that lasted less than a week before we were in bed together. I care about him but I can't figure out if this is a crush or love. When I see him I feel like an idiot school girl. When I am not around him I worry I will never get to be with him again. I feel overwhelmed with all these emotions I have and I don't know what he really thinks or what I should do.