Anyone else struggle when sex life dips?

[Remotenut]

Myself and husband tend to have sex usually 4-5 times a week. Probably more before I had our first baby and I’m now pregnant with second so it’s gone down a bit.

we had a few weeks there of just complete madness between sport, hobbies, work and sickness and we definitely weren’t having as much sex because of it

I felt myself getting really down and yesterday my husband came home early from work as I wasn’t feeling good mentally. We cuddled for ages and ended up having sex and it was so lovely just to feel close to him and I honestly felt like a weight had been lifted after.

we said we know life gets in the way sometimes but because we gave such busy lives, I really really cherish making love because we’re just absorbed in each other in that time and I didn’t realise how much we needed that time.

this isn’t one of those ‘we have sex 16339 times a day’ threads by the way where everyone competes and dismisses lol. Just curious if other people feel like this?

4-5 times a week with a young child and a baby on the way just seems wild to me.
How do you do it?!
If I wasn't so envious, I'd probably respond with: where do you find the time or the energy?

But, all jokes aside, I do wonder whether your high need for sex isn't a symptom of an underlying issue.
Is it possible that you've learned to channel all your need for connection into sex? I mean, I feel a bit uneasy too when I haven't spent any time at all connecting to my husband for a few weeks. But sex isn't my only source of connection with him, it's just one of many.

Well yes but I wouldn't get him home from work for it!

Tbf I didn’t get him home to have sex, I was just having a very bad day mentally

It’s mad like before the first baby we would’ve been at it a few times a day. It was wild. I think there are definitely underlying issues on my part. Sex is a massive part of the relationship for me, not even like drive wise per se but meaning wise if that makes sense?

You have more sex than me and I'm not even pregnant 😂 Normally we'll have sex a lot around my ovulation week but the rest of the time I'm really not in the mood and I'm fine with it as we still spend time together. I know what you mean about feeling closer afterwards though.

So firstly - so jealous of your Husband, he is very lucky to have someone who needs him that much! I am the same as you and find physical contact really important as an indicator to me of of my wife's love for me. I wouldn't say i needed it anywhere quite as much mind - once a fortnight would be good enough, not saying daily wouldn't be good mind!
However I sense that your need for him is either pregnancy hormones going wild, or a sign of something else emotionally within you. Perhaps you needing the physicality as some form of reassurance for other insecurities you have.
Probably worth some introspection on yourself to understand where the need comes from, and how the sex makes you feel and why it makes you feel that way. Then look at what else can give you those feelings.

4-5 times is MAD!! You guys are both very highly sexed or sex driven or whatever. Most people I know aim for once or twice a week

I understand what you're saying, and that does confirm for me that you're fulfilling another kind of need, like the one for closeness, love or connection, by sex.
Because for most other women, having a bad day would lead to a very drastic decline in sex drive, whereas you tend to resolve your negative emotions with sex.
Like I said, sex is one way to feel close to someone. However, when sex becomes the only way to feel closeness, there's a problem.
Or when sex becomes an emotional coping mechanism.

I get what you mean completely. I tick along ok when I'm single but I can start feeling fraught in a relationship when there's a dry spell.

I don't think 4 - 5 times is that much at all! I thought that was a normal amount. I must have a high sex drive if I take this thread as a comparison.

To be fair I think it was more a case of everything getting on top of us the past wee while and we needed that connection for both of us and we know it’s important to prioritise it for us.

to be fair as well, 2 weeks after our wedding we were both sick as dogs and I mean the most sick either of us have ever been and we couldn’t move without needed the nearest bathroom and we both came out the other side saying we fell in love with each other a little more after that. So I do know we get closeness in other ways but definitely (especially in good health) it’s so so so important to us

I've never had sex 4-5 times a week in any relationship I've been in. No kids/pregnancies to contend with either.

I'm single now but in a relationship I'm fine with once a week to once a fortnight.

Yes I feel like that, we've been through some real trauma and horrible stuff the last two years and when it's really peaking I look for that closeness between us as we often have other priorities.
I can feel a bit disconnected if we are struggling with other stuff in life but haven't been physically close.

Well that is very interesting because I suffered a lot of trauma and abuse etc before I met my husband and he’s been a god send so there’s definitely a link

Today is our work from home together day so we’ve the day together and he’s actually not long back from getting us both some lunch. It’s nice being back to us

Why do you think he was so late getting lunch 😂

Maybe combine lunch and whatever next time.

Blimey, if 4-5 times a week is a lot, me and DH must be bloody wild. 😂 10 years together (and two kids) and it's pretty much every day, sometimes twice. I don't know why, other than we just both really want to! Intimacy is really important to us both, I suppose.

I've never had sex that regularly in other relationships though. I didn't want to, though I wanted it several times a week. I just like being with him! Not sure if it happens more when stressed with us? It's always just been a steady stream I suppose. We connect outside of the bedroom too; I'm definitely not looking to sooth my emotional needs there.

He's lovely and treats me well, makes me laugh, and he's bloody gorgeous. Though I will say the couples I know IRL have sex very regularly, too. I'm 30s and DH is 40, the people we know range from 30s to 50s. I don't think it's weird or anything. Maybe just a result of happiness and really fancying each other?! 😂

@Remotenut i am a bit like you in that I need to feel connected to my partner and so sex 4-5 times as week is normal for us. We connect in other ways and there’s a lot of love and affection outside of the bedroom. There are also rituals of the relationship that I love but if there is a drop in sex it makes me feel a bit crap even if everything else is good. Of course if one of us is unwell then I am not bothered about sex so much as it’s normal if one person isn’t able / in the mood. It’s good going though if you are pregnant with a your dc too! Think that’s what’s made most stunned.

We cuddled for ages and ended up having sex and it was so lovely just to feel close to him and I honestly felt like a weight had been lifted after.

I take it he likes to go on top...

Yeah we are both like that so it's tricky with one of us falls out of sync. It is happy hormones and closeness.

1 - 2 times a week for us after 20 years together. I don't get spontaneously horny any more and haven't for years, so I need my husband to initiate. Years ago after he raised that I didn't seem so into it any more, I told him never to stop initiating, and the answer would always be yes, and I meant it!

I absolutely love having sex with him, it's so lovely and relationship-affirming, and always cheers me up when I'm down. I know exactly what you mean OP, and I'm also a survivor of abuse. Healthy, equal sex between loving respectful partners, there's nothing like it.

❤💙🩷

I don’t understand what you mean?

My partner works away all week so soon as we see each other that's it. Like we genuinely have more sex In 2 days than some have in a week. It varies from 2/5 times in a day. We both love physical touch and we always enjoy it. Granted if he didn't work away then maybe a few times a week still at least . We are both horny shits in fairness xxx