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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hand hold

3 replies

dogtired11001 · 12/11/2024 07:52

I need a hand hold and plenty of strength vibes right now.

My now exP has been going through one of his crazy making cycles since last week. Days of insults, shouting, I
Love you - I hate you, manipulating, lying and twisting my head until I don't know up from down.

I took him back months ago after having to get him to leave because of this behaviour and more. Stupid me took him back.

He is staying on sofa until he finds somewhere. The atmosphere is just dire. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't work. Life is just shite.

I can feel the shift of behaviour coming. The text of apology last night, the finding reasons to talk to me etc etc. This is the beginning of the sucking me back in campaign and stupid here is a daft enough to fall for it. Back to the cycle of a few good months when it is the best relationship ever, to one day waking up to a bomb going off over some perceived issue with me, my behaviour, something I said, something I apparently did, something I I apparently didn't do. Then it all starts again for months until we are right back to where we are today again.

I need advice. Anyone who has been here, how did you break this cycle? Or I just need people to tell me to keep walking and not be a fool again.

OP posts:
Monsteronthehill · 12/11/2024 12:55

Hi OP. Well, you are in no doubt that taking him back changes nothing so you can move on from that point. No matter what he says from here on to suck you back in is not going to be for your benefit. It's all for him. What's your situation re your home? Does he have any 'right' to be there? Even if so, he's abusive so you can get rid of him. Do you share DC? Once you get him out, change the locks. Also consider the freedom programme. It will really help you gain perspective on why he is doing this (spoiler: it's not you) and how you can protect yourself from him and men like him in future.

LaLaLaurie · 12/11/2024 12:57

Give him a week to find an alternative place to stay. He will drag his feet and keep repeating the cycle if he has no deadline to leave.

dogtired11001 · 12/11/2024 17:13

He has already confirmed he is leaving in two weeks.

Seems to have gone into cold mode again now making it clear he is leaving and it's over.

Why am I so upset over someone who treated me so so badly. I can't function.

OP posts:
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