Am I overreacting?

[mrspick]

If you was going through a particularly bad time in your life and your oldest, closest friend didn't even pick up the phone or pop to see you would you be upset? We do chat on Whatsapp but nine times out of ten it is initiated by me and it will be four or five messages with her generally taking hours to reply or not at all after the few messages. If it was the other way round I would say lets have a catch up or at the very least ring her. Am I being oversensitive?

Sensitive? Not at all. Friends are usually there through thick and thin - more so than spouses. I had a friend I thought I could count on for anything - if she’d rang me at 3am and asked me to go over because she was having a hard time I’d drop everything. Eventually I learned it was a very one sided friendship and I just stopped contacting her. I haven’t heard from her in a year. Sad, but it is what it is - even if she’s busy I’d expect a true friend to check in if they know you’re having a difficult time.

Good friends make the world go round.

I just wanted to empathise with you, iv had a really similar experience and it shocked me actually, however it did make me realise who I can count on and where to put my time and energy and there has been a shift in my mindset. I always want to be liked, and a fear of being disliked, and that is often to my own detriment, and now I just care less, it’s actually quite freeing, I’m sorry you’re going through this though, it does take the wind out of your sails for sure xx

I'm not saying you're being unreasonable, OP, but I do want to be devil's advocate here for a moment.
There are plenty of situations where I think it is reasonable for friends to back off for a bit.
Is your friend going through anything herself? Maybe she just doesn't have the headspace to be there for you at the moment?
How long has your 'bad time' been going on? And has she been there for you during parts of it?
How much emotional support do you expect from this friend?

I'm not saying this is you, OP. I don't know you at all, but f.e. my husband has a friend who was left by her spouse 2,5 years ago and is still talking about it non-stop. Rambling on and on about 'until death do you part' is not optional, and how dare her spouse just leave her like that, what an aweful person it is to promise eternal love and then just abandon her like that.
He receives numerous texts per month with copies of her WhatsApp conversations with the ex, highlighting all the horrible thigns the ex says to her (ignoring the fact that she usually starts the arguements and the verbal abuse), or saying how offended she is that the ex has blocked her again.
The divorce is finalized, but the friend keeps inventing new reasons to sue her ex because she suddenly creates this very unreasonable story in her mind as to why her ex still owes her large sums of money (f.e. when your car broke down 5 years ago my father let you drive his car for a month, so now you owe me rent), and she expects all her friends to back her on these ridiculous quests.

She also keeps saying how all of her friends have abandoned her in her time of need and doesn't see how she's pushing everyone away with her neediness and obsessive behaviour.
I'm sure she could come here and post about who all her friends have left her hanging since her divorce and she'd get a lot of sympathy. But honestly, friends are also supposed to be a positive influence in your life, not just a burden.
It's good to expect your friends to be there for you, and it's good to step back from friends who are letting you down. But it's equally good to wonder whether you're not expecting too much.

I think @Girlmom35 asks a reasonable question. What would you actually like your friend to do?

In the last year and a half I have had several major events happen, one of which has sent me into a very bad place to the point I am having counselling. In that time she has rung me once. I have seen her a few times but after I have arranged something. When I have rung her she will listen. In that year and a half you could count on one hand the amount of times I have rung her to talk about it. So I don't think that is overly needy. As to what I expect, I would say the odd phone call or an offer of a catch up or for her to pop round. I don't even think that is an expectation but just what you would do for a good friend. Personally I don't think that is too much to ask. I know people are busy, I am myself with work. Maybe I am expecting too much.

Sorry to hear you went through that. It really shifts your thinking on how throw away people are.