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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is husband resentful?

11 replies

cquinn32 · 11/11/2024 07:47

Hi ladies
Some of my kids are on high rate dla care due to special needs. Also receive universal credit.
My husband had a row with me tonight stating I've no awareness of money.
Yet I pay rent from uc, oil, food groceries, everything for the kids.
I'm at home full time school runs, after school activities and make the dinners.

He said he works so hard bla bla and he has great awareness of money as he works for it and if I wasn't receiving all the help I'm getting I would be totally different with money.

I'm in no way reckless with money. Pay all bills on time everything and never ask him for money.

To me this is resentment. I said this and he laughed at me.
I'm thinking how dare he. "it's money the kids are entitled to?! It's their money. And I would love nothing more the an them not have special needs and not receive dla.

It started with my 12 year old having electric heater on too warm his feet. My husband asked me to turn it of. I said he's only warming his feet ten minutes he was outside all day, my husband replied by laughing aw he should try being outside like me every single day.. I feel he is creating a competion with his son..

He then stated aw if it was any of our other kids ud turn it off but because it's him u wouldn't as u think more of him. I started to cry and said how dare you I feel the same of them all how dare you and he said aw touched a nerve have I..

Any advice please..

OP posts:
Boobygravy · 11/11/2024 07:52

What does your dh pay for?
He sounds immature and selfish. He’s jealous of his own ds.
Dla should surely be used for things like extra heating.

cquinn32 · 11/11/2024 08:00

Not much tbh.. He thinks the u should pay absolutely everything.
He told me last night that I should get a 10 hour job and then I'd appreciate money

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/11/2024 08:03

WTF! What happens to the money he earns then? Assuming the DC are his too? Is he an involved parent? I mean what does he contribute?

arethereanyleftatall · 11/11/2024 08:08

So he's not particularly contributing to your life financially, probably less than child maintenance, and he's horrible, mean and nasty? Can you tell us why he is still in your life?

Bibi12 · 11/11/2024 10:24

OP I'm so sorry he's treating you like that. Marriage should make you feel like you're a team and in it together. It doesn't seem like he brings much to the table and he actually creates damage with his hurtful comments and lack of respect for you.

SoManyTshirts · 11/11/2024 10:30

Tell him you understand that he’s ashamed of not being able to support you all comfortably but he should be glad that the benefits system is their to help out and you are there to care for them all.

TipsyJoker · 11/11/2024 15:17

My advice would be to get shot of your emotionally and financially abusive husband for yourself and mostly for your children. He will destroy all of your self esteem. He’s a prick! You would cope better without having him around mocking you, telling you what you can and can’t do in your own home that YOU pay for from your benefits whilst he sits about berating you. F that! Is his name on the lease? If not, call the cops, tell them he’s being abusive to you and the children and you need him removed from the home. If he is on the lease, go to women’s aid and have them help you make an exit plan. They will help you by advising you on how to get an occupation order to have him removed from the family home and you and the children can stay there. He’s awful and you and the children do not deserve to be treated like this. I am a parent of an ASN child and I can tell you that it is very hard work. I bet he doesn’t do any childcare or any household chores, etc. He won’t have a clue how hard you work.

Have a read of this

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

why-does-he-do-that.pdf

“This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike…. Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting...

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

TwistedWonder · 11/11/2024 15:20

So he works and doesn’t financially contribute to the household but has a go at you for wasting money?

Wtf does this prince bring to the relationship that he thinks he can freeload?

DaisyChain505 · 11/11/2024 15:34

Ask him who exactly would look after your children, run the house and cook all the food if you were to get this 10 hour a day job?

tell him you’d be happy to but that means he would then have to do 50% of school pick ups and drop offs, house work, cooking and life admin.

I’m sure he’d shut the fuck up then.

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2024 17:27

cquinn32 · 11/11/2024 08:00

Not much tbh.. He thinks the u should pay absolutely everything.
He told me last night that I should get a 10 hour job and then I'd appreciate money

He needs to go, fund his own life and pay maintenance for his children

He's pathetic

category12 · 11/11/2024 17:33

If he's not contributing to the household, then him lording it over you about money is bizarre to say the least.

You'd probably get more help financially as a single parent than you're getting from him 🙄

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