This is part anecdotal, part ongoing. Quite long, so please bear with me.
I moved to the UK about two years ago. I rented a room with a live-in landlord for three months initially. When I first moved in, I would chat with the landlord almost every day in the living room. We would chat as if we were friends, although I'd always been cautious because of the obvious power imbalance (he could easily kick me out).
I soon figured that he was a bit weird, verging on insensitive.
So for a bit of context, I'm ethnically Taiwanese, but I was educated in Canada and have been Canadian for more than half my life. I have a very clear, slightly Canadian accent, but definitely no Taiwanese accents. It shouldn't matter, but I'm 5'9'', and look more Southeast Asian than Chinese or East Asian. The landlord knows all of this.
- One day, out of nowhere and in no way related to the conversation, he asked me to buy him a Japanese bento box, even specifying his budget. I didn't, of course.
- He "offered" to teach me how to make mashed potatoes, unsolicited. He said this was a quintessential British thing (??), so he made it as if it was some sort of cultural education. Well, I took up the generous offer, because why not. But after the first time, he wanted to do it more often. Exasperated, I did it a second time but no more. I think he just wanted me to peel the potatoes for him.
- Once, he told me he'd just gone to see an Asian escort. Sadly, I didn't stop him there, so I ended up listening. He said he explicitly searched for "Asian" in the keyword. He then asked me, while sober and quite seriously, why Asian women's bodies aren't of a particular type. I think this example speaks for itself.
- He commented that "Chinatown is totally your vibe" (while saying that Soho was his vibe). I definitely have told him that I'm not Chinese.
- He once invited me to a social gathering with his uni friends. He told them that he'd invited me to go do speed dating with him, as "who wouldn't want to date a pretty Asian lady." (He did invite me, I didn't go.)
After a long time of no contact, he recently reached out and invited me to this firework night. I'd almost erased the unpleasant memories so I went. There was this bonfire so we just chatted, looking at it. Then, again, out of nowhere, he commented, "You probably don't really get this in Chinese culture, do you." "I'm not Chinese." "I know. I just mean, not in Asian culture." I did not know what to say.
Frankly, I've always felt that there's something a bit off about this guy. The most prominent thing was, when he decided that I was unsuitable to keep renting his place, he said,
"I've tried to use carrot and stick, but it didn't work on you." (He might have even used "train," don't remember.)
"What! You do know the origin of the phrase?"
"Yes."
"You know it was referring to training donkeys?"
"Yes."
I'll just leave it there.
One last thing. At the fireworks night, I asked him why he said he'd never want to see me again when I moved out. He said, "I felt that you weren't providing enough value to my life." "I was paying you rent." "Yes but..." (Couldn't be bothered to hear the rest).
I think I'll no longer associate with him. But gotta clear out the horrid things he's said to me. Unfortunately there are more examples. I have a clear answer in my mind, but just wondering if you also find him a bit insensitive. The only slack I can cut him is that he's only 26. But still, that's not a baby, is it.