Really struggling to be a parent and a partner

[Worrieddad1237]

I have been with my partner for 13 years and we have had a good relationship but the last 2 years since we have had our second child it has been really hard. I know I am going to seem like a bastard here but it's really tough to try and keep us afloat financially working in a difficult job and then try to be a parent as well then being a partner just goes a miss. The eldest child is autistic and that just makes things harder as it requires alot. I feel like she doesn't take me seriously though as a partner, I suffer with chronic pain due to sciatica and an ankle issue and had a TIA last year. I guess this is more a rant and a am I wrong to feel like this. I will say it's no easier for her and she does a fantastic job of raising the children but I can't help feel shit for not contributing as much as I used to be able to as I've moved up the corporate ladder and become more ill and I just feel the resentment sometimes. Anyway thanks for reading.

Ok - well start with the basics. When you take your clothes off do you leave the dirty ones in a pile on the floor or put in the washing basket? When you finish a meal do you leave your plate where it is or put it in the dishwasher? When sorting out to go out as a family do you get one of the kids dressed and pack the stuff they need? If she does the majority of the night wakings do you make sure she gets the majority of the lie ins?

It isn’t hard and it doesn’t take all that much effort. But small things like that will make a big difference.

Yes clothes always go in wash basket or washing machine if taken down to be washed, depends on who's bathing the kids if plate goes in dishwasher and I usually will dress the kids and check the bag but I would say these are things that just need doing. Lie ins are a difficult one as the youngest won't always let her sadly but if he does she can.

But I used to cook all evening meals, clean house top to bottom weekly and so much more and I just physically and mentally cannot do it anymore and I feel bad for that. I'm only early 30s as well!!

Sounds tough OP and sciatica is very painful. I'm sorry to hear about that. While you have young children and a child with a disability, you're pretty much in the trenches.

For many families, working full time and trying to take care of small children is exhausting and you rarely have time for each other. People only have so much to give.

My suggestion is to stop taking your wife for granted. She's enabling you to rise through the ranks and has no doubt had to make substantial sacrifices in order to do what she does.

You can't go far wrong with treating her with consideration and respect.

Thank you and I know it's the same for many families and I am sure she has her own personal sacrifices. I respect her massively and do consider her in everything I do but I just can't do what I used to and it feels horrible. I just feel like I cannot be the partner anymore and that makes me sad

Have you had a chat with her about how you feel?

Perhaps it would be an idea to have an open conversation where you give each other time to talk and really listen to each other then try to make the necessary changes.

I'm sure she'd love to hear how much you respect and admire her.

@Gcsunnyside23 @username7891 I have tried but she doesn't take them seriously sadly. It's rare she does.