Advice needed

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I have been married for nearly 10 years, have two young children. Since my first was born I’ve worked part time (3 days) and husband full time; we discussed this together and made the decision together as I earn less and could provide the childcare needed on my days off whilst the other three days provided for by nursery and family.
Since my second has started school and I technically have two days to myself this seems to be an irritation to my husband, regardless of the fact I spend these days doing the school run and household chores, they’re not exactly days off. If I were to go full time both of our lives would be massively affected; ok more money, but I wouldn’t be able to do the school runs anymore and wouldn’t be able to run the house like I do at the moment. I don’t think this is something either of us really want but I’m fed up of the comments about my ‘days off’ and him feeling like he is hard done by because he works full time. He also says I don’t appreciate him or feel grateful but I run around doing everything to make all our lives easier and in my head that’s me appreciating him and looking after our children. I’m wondering how in his head he appreciates me or shows how he is grateful for what I do?
i’m not really sure what advice I’m looking for, but maybe something that says I’m not crazy for feeling fed up about how I’m being treated.

Do 4 days each and he can have one day off a week full of chores same as you?

I guess he sees it as you have 12 spare hours a week. That's a lot of time to clean and keep on top of the house. Could you do an extra day and he can drop a few hours? Or go back full time and pay a cleaner to even things out a bit?

I hadn’t thought about him dropping a day and me doing another; not sure this would work financially for us but I could definitely suggest it.
If I changed to full time we would have to use breakfast club/ after school club and this isn’t something I’d personally want to do as I like picking them up from school whilst they’re young but yes again, it’s an option.

Does you being home mean he doesn’t have to do any household chores, shopping, cleaning, organising, planning, school runs, cooking? If that’s the case then he can work 4 days as suggested and start doing his equal share of all that stuff. See how much he thinks it’s a day off then. What a prick!

He sounds resentful and your working hours are the lightening rod. Have a conversation where you both listen to each other and make changes. Try to reach a compromise.

I think yes, probably ask him what he'd like to do about it.

Discuss that if he resents working full time while you are part time, what are the other options?

It might be that the decision is to keep as you are but he stops digging about it, or that there's change required. Make sure there's an agreement that he picks up his share of the childcare and housework if you do take more hours paid work, tho.

This has been a bit of an issue in our marriage. I originally worked 3 days after the birth of our first child. I then moved jobs after the birth of my second child and ended up working 4 long days.

My husband then started working away mon-Fri and I really struggled to cope with balancing my home to work life & felt guilty about the breakfast clubs / after school clubs so we had a chat and I dropped back down to 3 days. He was happy for me to do so. However, he kept making “jokes” about how I’m semi retired.. he said this not only to me but to friends and family. Obviously this went down like a lead balloon and we had a big bust up over it.

I honestly don’t think they ever truly appreciate what we do. Yes they have hard mon-fri jobs and bring the money in however if he’s anything like my husband he leaves the house before the kids get up and is back after tea so he never has to think about anyone but himself. He swans out the door after sorting himself and off he goes.

we have to get up, get the kids washed, dressed, fed all whilst trying to sort ourselves. Do the school run, get home and have less than 6 hrs (if it’s my non working day) to wash, clean, shop, walk dogs, tidy, do life admin… the list is endless. If I sit down with a coffee for more than 20 minutes I feel bad.

Maybe you need to sit down and actually have a conversation about what your “days off entail”.
Or maybe seen as he thinks you’re lounging around anyway, do just that and see what kind of s**t hole the house quickly turns into when someone isn’t on top of it.

Also just to randomly add because I feel like a rant - my daughter’s tooth fell out Saturday morning. She didn’t mention it at all the rest of the day and it totally slipped my mind. Sunday morning she wakes up and tooth fairy hasn’t been 😔

That night my husband toddles off up to bed before me without a care in the world, no mention of tooth fairy whatsoever. When I went up a bit later, oh what a surprise the tooth is still there and he is snoring his stupid carefree head off.

But it’s just another example of things us mums have to have the brain space for on a daily basis.