Is he a player?

[prettyinpink23x]

Ive been seeing this guy since the 27th September so not long. He has only been in one relationship in 2019. We have been on lots of dates we have been to a spa,hotel meals, he rings me everyday on his way home from work. We went out for a meal and shopping today and he bought me a pair of trainers because my feet have been sore. He also asked me to come round to his house and meet his parents this week. We are both 26.

However there have been some red ish flags. He liked other girls pictures at the start but has stopped. He also used to let me on his phone but now wont let me change songs on it and was weirdly protective which I think means he's speaking to other girls. He also hasn’t officially asked me to be his girlfriend.

What do you think?

He sounds lovely. Phones are personal things, not for use by others apart from those awful couples who share a facebook account.

He could be protective over his phone for lots of reasons... do you have a birthday coming up? Or maybe he's ordered a Christmas present for you... maybe an upset family member is having a confidential conversation with him?

Maybe he had to send his doctor a picture of a fungal toenail and he doesn't want you to see it? 😆😆

This all seems pretty intense for something that's only been just over a month

It’s too early to tell. Keep dating to figure him out (that’s ultimately what dating is!) and try not to get too invested until you know him better. Going round to his house and him buying you trainers sounds promising but it isn’t a declaration of undying love, so keep it in perspective.

Sounds like love bombing. Too intense.

It's a bit creepy being asked to meet someone's patents at just 2 months in.

I suspect if this 'relationship' continues, he will at some point, suddenly blow cold. Leaving you wondering what happened. Worried you'd done something wrong.

Are there other women being spoken to? Probably.
But the bigger red flag is the intensity.

I agree it sounds love bomby and way too much from someone you’ve been seeing for 6 weeks. Most people would only have managed a few dates in that time!!

I wouldn't want to have to show the contents of my phone to someone I've been casually dating for a month. Have you asked him if he wants to be 'exclusive'? (I hate that term but it's what people say now isn't it?)
You clearly don't want to continue seeing him if he seeing other women, do why not just be up front and ask? If you want that from him of course. From what you say he sounds pretty decent for a brand new 'relationship'. No big red flags unless he's just unsure if he wants to get serious yet.

I didn't do the calculations but oh gosh not 2 months, only 6 weeks. Yeah he's a love bomber.

The 'he rings me every day' gives me icky vibes on top of things. Controlling possibly. Like he needs to check up on you.

He's blowing hot before he blows cold.

Normal, healthy relationships form organically over time. They are not "whirlwinds".

Be wary of men who need constant contact and to keep you on the go 24/7. Because its to stop you having headspace to consider any red flags you might notice.

Who knows - it’s early days.
I am not sure he is love bombing you - as you haven't described it as such.
His frequency of calls maybe simple insecurity.

Both of you sound inexperienced in relationships. So - see how it goes. One day at a time.
There is absolutely no need to meet parents so early in.

Insecurity that presents as control has no place in adult relationships.

'Maybe he's just insecure?' Wondered every woman in an abusive relationship, ever.

Very, very high % chance if you're thinking 'is he insecure?' whilst dating a guy, he's actually - controlling.

Now he might not be controlling of course, but the whole 'phones me when he leaves work every day' at six weeks in...is possibly a red flag of it.

Obviously if controlling, it would likely be combined with other things such as (love bombing) behaviours like, constantly texting or, throwing a hissy fit/taking a huff if op is slow to reply or, doesn't answer every call. Etc...

I'd say rule of thumb, never excuse boundary pushing or unacceptable behaviour of any kind as 'insecurity'.

Better safe than sorry.

🤷🏻‍♀️ where was I excusing ‘boundary pushing’???
OP was not describing any issues with boundaries - or feeling he was controlling.

It seems OP is not very experienced with relationships. And it sounds like the guy is neither. And they both seem insecure (to me).

Calling every day on the way from work - is NOT an issue in itself. Early day emotions - feeling drawn to each other and wanting to talk - is NOT an automatic red flag.

Sure - everybody needs to be aware of controlling and abusive behaviour. But nothing in the post suggest that those are present

Also: every coercive controlling partner is insecure and anxious. Happy, secure people don’t behave like this. Coercive control doesn’t become OK because the poor unhappy man doing it is traumatised or has abandonment issues. Those issues are for him to deal with - they are not fixable by his partner.

That's why I specifically stated 'IF controlling'

I think you are being a bit possessive I have been happily married for 33 years and I like other peoples pictures, I also would not let my husband go down my phone or my handbag they are my personal things, I have nothing to hide, but they're mine.
I also think you should give it more time to see how things go and try not to be worried about liking posts.

I think i had daily contact right from the start in all my long term relationships. I always let them do the running.

It's very early days, you are just in the dating phase still, it seems he wants more, from the way you describe. Phones are personal, it's not the norm to just pick them up and use when it isn't yours.
Unfortunately you can't always tell straight away if they are a player or not, he starts becoming withdrawn, doesn't act like he's in a relationship or keeps mentioning other women messaging him (mentionitis)
See how it goes, but if you continue to feel off about him then perhaps it's just not the right relationship for you.

I know things are different with Gen Z, but I’ve been with my partner 6 years and we don’t know the passwords to each other phones. I’d sooner swap bank PINS.

It sounds way too intense for 6 weeks in. If you want it to be exclusive at this point you have to ask for that, otherwise you should assume it’s not until about 4-6 months in.

This all sounds very intense for 6 weeks especially when you don’t seem to even be sure if you’re exclusive or not.

Maybe ask him straight out if he sees you as a couple? I’m old and dating a very different world to when I was your age but it does seem now that a conversation needs to be had as to whether you’re exclusive nowadays.

It’s been 6 weeks. This is love bombing and it’s a huge red flag for him being an abuser. I would be far more worried about that, than worried about whether he is shagging around.