Toyboy??

[Karenaki]

Am almost certainly jumping the gun. But better I chat in here than text him before he’s replied, so bear with!

I went on a dating app date on Thursday. He’s made two confessions, one before we met, which is that he’s younger than his profile says. He likes older women. And then half way through he confessed his name wasn’t real. He’s a copper and doesn’t like to share his identity up front. He said it was a good thing, as it shows he likes me and wants to meet up again.

the name thing, I get. The age thing, he told me in advance (several days) so I could have easily backed out. Not annoyed about it at all.

date went really well. He doesn’t look as young as he is, and I think I’m relatively young looking for my age. He was very mature, intelligent, chatty, lovely deep voice!
but it’s a big age gap.
im 45 (very nearly 46!) and he’s 29.
yikes.

we had a kiss at the end and he says he wants to take me out.
what do we think? Too big a gap??

Depends what you're after. If you want some no strings fun, go for it, you're both adults.

If you're after a serious relationship, then I'd give it a swerve.

I don't think I'd want to date someone who has lied twice before you've even met.

The police lie is actually recommended by the police force so that’s not a red flag at all. They have to be very cautious as anyone can use their job against them.

My partner said he was 27 the night that I met him, he told me the next week that he was 26 (why lie about a years difference 😂) it made me cautious but it’s all worked out and we’ve been happily together for years

in regards to the age gape it’s entirely up to you OP, I’ve known plenty of age gap relationships work so don’t see a problem at all

Now you know his real name, does he check out on social media? Being a policeman etc? All feels a bit off to me.

It’s sad but I’d also be cautious about dating a policeman, there seem to be a lot of issues with the working culture and attitudes to women

How will you feel with his friends and family. Do you really want to be hanging out with other 20 somethings? Know you’re likely closer to his mums age? Will you be wholly comfortable or feel a little cringe.

also are you ok with him just wanting to shag an older woman? Possibly tell his mates?

I don't like liars, no reason why they shouldn't be upfront about first name and age, not sure I'd believe anything they say, trust has got to start somewhere and it's fairly basic to know who they say they are and age. Makes me think there's something more sinister than what he's letting on. You're most probably a fetish for him rather than a genuine relationship.

Police people are a certain type. Robots and do you want to be the talk of the locker room. Run away.

There are loads of men who want older women on these Aps. One said its for no strings sex. Yuck he sounds dodgy

I have been with someone 12 years younger than me for 6 months. He didn't lie about himself, but the age gap can be obvious sometimes when talking about hobbies, memories etc. If you have things in common and like him, keep emotionally detached. A lot of men just fancy the idea of sex with an older woman, so don't be surprised if he disappears if you sleep with him quickly.

Thanks, yes we already had a couple of those moments. I mentioned getting my son a PS5, and he said he grew up with Xbox.
I didn’t mention the bbc computer I grew with!!
Some other things we laughed about though.

Thanks for the warning !

And thanks to others for their comments too. I will be wary….

Well it's not a huge age gap in the scheme of things, but you're likely in different stages of your lives - I'm assuming you have kids and he doesn't?

I'd be curious as to the actual reason he prefers 'older women'. It's unlikely to be a physical reason, so other possibilities include that he doesn't want the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, or that he wants a partner to 'mother' him.