I'm well aware this is "none of my business", but I'd feel like a bad friend for sitting back and saying nothing, would love some advice.
A good friend, let's call her Emma, and I have been close for almost 30 years. We're late 30s now and both 'career people" both married and ttc and currently no kids.
In recent months a lot of life circumstances (poor health, trauma therapy for PTSD, infertility) led to a realisation that the stress and dysfunction of my own corporate career was literally killing me, so I took a step back. I'm currently focusing on my health and doing part-time consulting while we prepare for IVF. Feeling incredibly more healthy, grateful for the space, doing lots of sleeping, yoga, eating well and being very thoughtful about the next role.
Emma is high up in Finance and spent 1.5 years off work recently after getting fired in a really traumatising way. During that time she also had a cancer scare and had a major operation. She also has had a lot of childhood trauma that I feel has played out in her career a lot as an adult. Shes a big people pleaser and has no self esteem. We talk about these things a lot and she's been incredibly supportive of me, particularly around my own trauma in the past.
Earlier this year she took up a partner role for an investment bank. This requires her to live in a different country to her DH, travel long haul 3x month and work 70 hours a week. She has been miserable, depressed, overwhelmed and close to tears for 6 months now.
I met her this weekend for an event, and I felt really worried about how she is, and a bit hurt that she wasn't able to be present with me (I traveled 3 hours each way to see her). She spent the hour long break during the event on the phone to her boss and most of the event texting and responding to emails (the host had requested phones away). We had to leave early because she had to get to the airport for another long haul flight.
She looks drawn, pale, almost ill, has gained a worrying amount of weight and is very negative in her outlook, I found it difficult to talk to her. She kept saying "I don't know what I'm doing", "I worry my boss is going to fire me" and "I'm not enjoying it and think I've made a mistake, but what can I do, nothing" etc. She's also talking about how worried she is about not being able to conceive, but "doesn't have time" for GP appointment and testing, and her husband living in a different country makes it extremely difficult to even try. She's got PCOS and at 39, seems to be able to acknowledge this needs to be a priority. But also seems to want to plough on with this role that is destroying her.
I'm so sad for my friend and am worried about the toll this new role is taking on her. I've also got my own journey with poor health and TTC and really want to be able to help her. I'm aware it's not my place, she's an adult etc - but this is my dearest friend in the world and if anything happens to her, I will regret it forever.
What would others do?