Mother in law from hell

[edierichards19]

I've been grappling with my mother in law from hell for 20 years, though I fear that this may be the final straw for me.

She has constantly favoured my sister in laws children over my girls, and this has not gone unnoticed by other members of the family. I don't mean favoured as in she buys my nieces and nephews more xmas presents. I mean it in the sense that my mother in law has taken her other 6 grandchildren on holiday to Lanzarote this week, and didn't think to invite my two girls - who are the same age as 2 out of the 6 cousins who have been invited on this "exclusive" holiday. It is safe to say that my girls are feeling very upset by this. They are both so lovely, and I am not biased at all as I know that as their mother they can be gobby with each other at the best of times - but that's just 17 year old twins for you!

I've brought this issue up with my husband countless times and he doesn't seem to think he should say anything to his own mother about the way she has treated two of her eldest grandchildren.

I really need some advice on what to do before I go ballistic with both my husband and his mother, because I refuse to let my girls feel so excluded by their own grandmother.

We have the same thing with my MIL. Prefers SIL DC and goes above and beyond for them. Not for ours, same age. It hurts. Wish I had some advice but trying to navigate it myself.

Why does your husband think he shouldn't say anything?

Don’t put yourself out for her. Treat her as she treats you and your twins. She wants to visit but they’d rather empty the kitchen bin and do homework? Sounds good to me. She wants you to go over but your skirting boards need a wipe and the twins want to help you? Sounds good.

Don’t give her any importance in your lives. Don’t feel bad that they’re not invited, feel good because they are closer to the mental freedom that will be very healthy for them.

I had this as I child growing up, my nan would take my 2 cousins on holidays, buy them bikes, clothes...she would have photos of them around the house (not me). When my dad told her how unfair it was she told him its because he could afford to do it for us, they were poorer...she slammed the phone down they didn't speak for ages, nothing changed. So even if ur husband says something people like that don't change, they think they are right. But i still think something should be said to ur inlaw.

But as I grew up they never forced me to see her- I felt I didn't really have a bond and didn't owe her anything. My parents gave me the love I needed. Their attitude towards her changed. She slowly realised in her later days and made bit more effort.

However I am now reliving this with my in law - she babysits, gets them out of debt, buys gifts and its much more hurtful now than a child! I feel u - partner has said something- it hasn't changed! Same excuses as my nan....but we don't owe anything

Not your circus or monkeys, maybe your children need to talk to their dad about this problem and let him deal with it. Think if you start this, you're not going to get anything from it apart from bring more excluded.

I agree with a pp - encourage your dc to talk to their dad about this, and how bad she has made them feel. She's his mother and she is upsetting his children. He shouldn't be able to duck this one.

Has your DH always been this spineless about his mother?

I also agree with the pp who says not to put yourself out in any way for her whatsoever. If she's coming round, DH can cook and whoops - you've 'arranged to go out with a friend' so you won't be there anyway.