Getting back with an ex

[Chillingout1]

I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, we’ve text a bit but not met up since.

the reasons for the breakup after a 18 months relationship were lots of personal baggage mostly on
my side. Divorce, selling home etc.

on here side her honesty, insecurity and chaotic personal life were an issue.

we recently bumped into each other and she sort of hinted at a reconciliation. I have to admit I still love her and find her attractive etc. but I’m concerned.

she said her life is much better on track and I also am in a much better place.

I was the one to break things off as I could see the relationship was getting very toxic, both or our mental health was suffering as I tried to balance too many people and things. It was a hard thing to do but I don’t regret it. I’ve spoken with her and said I’m open to going on a few dates and catch up and we where we are but I don’t want to hurt her again if I see old patterns repeating.

should I just leave things be or explore a reconciliation?

if your the op i think you are

there are young children on both sides 😞

Tbh I would think that improvements to the stuff you mention would be small after only 6 months. Has she been having therapy?

on here side her honesty, insecurity and chaotic personal life were an issue.

She's a chaotic liar? The right question is not whether you should get together, it's why you 'love' someone like this. Trauma, low self esteem, bad childhood?

Not me

lots of personal baggage mostly on my side.
Have you dealt successfully with that baggage?

on here side her honesty, insecurity and chaotic personal life were an issue.
Has she dealt successfully with any of that?

If no, then don't get back together. I'm talking about it being successful, over and done with or in counselling for, rather than "trying".

so if you’re honest

no children on either side?

I'd say generally 6 months isn't very long for change, more like a year to have a chance of improvement. Are you fully divorced and sold the home now?
Insecure people can be a drain to deal with and its a difficult trait for someone to overcome. They can get intense quite early on, which might be why you needed to pull away. Lying, is never good, you'll always know that she will when she feels she needs to. While a little chaos can be endearing, and spontaneity exciting, if it transcends to missing and being late to meet up, that gets annoying and makes a person feel less valued - she might have ADHD underlying which requires strategies to overcome.
If you meet up for a date/chat, I'd put a week's space before the next one and keep to weekly for a good while before being all on and serious. Take your time to assess if changes have been made her end.

I don't think it's a very good idea, relationships end for a reason. After six months I would suggest that those reasons will resurface.

Too much messing about

Walk away

you have a “lot of baggage” . I wonder what that brought to the table! and i’m guessing that baggage is still there.

By baggage do you mean children?

My “ baggage” was negotiating a divorce( no kids). Selling/moving home. Dealing with a difficult ex.

trying to balance those issues in a new relationship was hard and led to insecurities in the new one, (I was quite generous in the divorce settlement as wanted it done). This led to her insecurities like I was favouring my ex wife over her for some reason?
long story but she blamed this on her reasons for being a bit distant and not meeting my needs and also her dishonesty. This then let to her putting high demands on me to “prove myself” which ultimately I couldn’t give her at that time. (Moving in together after a short time for example and spending money on her, (to prove she was worth more to me than the ex I guess?)

Thats all done and dusted now and I’m in a new place, finances sorted etc. Basically I’m ready for a new chapter in my life and in high sight I should have waited before dating her the first time round.

oh bloody hell this sounds awful

She wanted you to move in together after only 6 months and expected you to spend money on her! Definitely needy, and maybe a tad greedy? You are both adults, the days where a man pays are over unless you aim to be the provider for a kept woman. She is a bit messed up if she guages love by how much a person will spend on her. She sounds like she will be hard work and demanding, but you can suss this out by weekly meetings and see if she is always pushing and driving things forwards at a pace, needing more. Then you'll know she is the same, it all comes across as desperate really.

Ah, so she got you doing the pick me, not her/them dance early on. That will always resurface no matter how hard she tries to hide that part of her character. Walk away.