Where did you get your power back from?

[BlastedPimples]

I am just overwhelmed and gloomy.

I have posted before about my circs.

Violent and verbally abusive marriage of 22 years, adultery and financial ruin. He spent everything from the house sale of our mortgage free house. All gone. 4 dcs. Don't live in the U.K.

I have pt work. Am looking for other work too. But at 53, I just feel there is no hope, no prospects. That there is nothing to look forward to except a hand to mouth life and possibly homelessness in my old age as I can't work forever and pay rent forever as a result.

I have worked pt for perhaps 30% of married life. I had to juggle dcs and household etc. exh is a high earner. Always were strapped for cash though and he would get very aggressive (thinking screaming fits) when I suggested we work out budgets and where the money was going.

I am not workshy. Not at all. I just don't seem to find a focus, a direction that makes a difference. If I could I would go hell for leather. No money to retrain. Just feel like I can't make a difference anyway whatever I do.

Posted too soon.

I have friends. I try to get out and about. Spend time with dcs. Try to make it ok. But it's just shit and I want to make it better but I don't know how.

Perhaps I am depressed with zero energy.

I just think there is nothing to be positive about. At 53, nothing is going to get better. A low plod to scary old age.

Pity party yes but I'd love to get out of it.

Doesn’t he have to pay maintenance? Are you originally from the UK? Could you move back here and at least get a secure social housing tenancy?

He does pay maintenance but I can't rely on that forever.

I don't think I would eligible for social housing. I've not lived in U.K. for six years now.

Plus I don't really want to move back if I can avoid it. I feel safer living in a different country to exh who assaulted me.

Give yourself time, OP. You have been through a lot and might very well be in a grieving process. Forcing it won't help anyone, least of all you.

Apart from that, start with small, little things you enjoy. Could be anything from making your favorite brew in the evening, to talking a short walks with you children/friends a few times a week, doing a puzzle, joining local community events, volunteering once a week. There are a lot of ways forward.

Why do you feel there is no hope at 53? Many employers are clamoring for personell, sadly there are also a lot of fake job postings, which can make it seem like nobody wants you. But this is true for all generations. The challenge lies in separating the wheat from the chaff. Have you tried temp agencies? That can be a great way to get a start. Also googling how to recognize fake job postings can save you a lot of time and grief.

Hang in there. You'll find your mojo again. It will just take time and numerous little steps.

Well you say take your time but since the shit really hit the fan in January 2023, I feel it's been a while and I should feel more positive. And protective. I just don't. I feel it's over. The home straight.

But the must be things I can do to become stronger. I'd love to feel mighty and in control of my life. Own my own business. But I have no real skills or particular passion. Just navel gazing self pity and no energy.

How easy is it to get social housing ?

Depends on where you are in the country and particular needs. If you are homeless with young children it’s much easier (although still not easy!) than if you were a single person of working age, who is fit to work.

I don't think it is easy at all to get social housing.

But I think I am seeking ways to become Steiger and not rely on things like this.

Stronger. Not Steiger!

Just to get out of this valley.