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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

man training

16 replies

fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 22:55

Hey , any of you girls had any luck in this area . I am very impulsive , reactive kind of girl and my bloke has run rings around me for years / Never been into an easy life but I now want to work smarter not harder / SO tactics please ??

OP posts:
Carmenere · 26/04/2008 22:56

You can't change men.

Original poster
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:01

I have had this one for 7 years and have never really tried to change him BUT I think it is either train or cut and run. 3 kids that is why I want to trry to stay .

OP posts:
Carmenere · 26/04/2008 23:03

Well they are not dogs, you can't train them. If he is an idiot now he probably always will be perhaps you should be thinking about how you want to spend the rest of your life?

minster · 26/04/2008 23:08

I think you can change the way you allow yourself to be treated though - if the man in question can't adapt to your new found self respect then cut & run.

Carmenere · 26/04/2008 23:09

I agree entirely minister. Change what you put up with and see if he is able to adapt.

Original poster
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:10

I don't agree . He has actually changed a lot but it is been his idea to change .

OP posts:
Carmenere · 26/04/2008 23:19

Yes because women can't change men just as men can't change women, you can only change yourself. If he has changed himself why do you think he needs training?

B1977 · 26/04/2008 23:21

You can't change people on purpose but over time a relationship will change you both anyway.

You can go to counselling though, or have you tried that already?

Flibbertyjibbet · 26/04/2008 23:24

'train' ???

Original poster
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:27

He used to say to me that underneath he is a good person and I believe he is but I have reached a place where I don't want to be the nice sensible one any more .

OP posts:
Carmenere · 26/04/2008 23:30

Do you love him? Is he kind to you? Can you see him being supportive to you in times of stress in 20 years time? Do you have fun together? Does he behave in a way that you would be proud for your children to behave? Do you have a future together?

Original poster
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:32

Train is an unfortunate word and not really part of my normal belief system . I have just been thinking of the phrase IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU VE Always done then you
always get what you always got .

OP posts:
Original poster
fuzzymummy · 26/04/2008 23:40

I did not realise that everyone else operates on an open , honest gut feeling like I do . It kind of restores my faith in womanhood actually but also worries me .

OP posts:
Pheebe · 27/04/2008 08:55

Good god, imagine if a man had posted this...how can I 'train' my wife!!!

What a disgusting attitude...

Original poster
fuzzymummy · 28/04/2008 14:01

thanks for your thoughts .i think it would be better to seperate .

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 28/04/2008 14:02

Must say, I didn't like the 'train' either...

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