Sex life and autism/ADHD, anyone relate?

[Autizzy]

Diagnosed ADHD and waiting on autism assessment.
I think as I've gotten older and I've realised what my diagnoses are the masking has lowered and it's affected me more.

I feel like I definitely have PDA and unfortunately sex plays a big part in that.

Once I get into it, everything is fine, but the anticipation of DH making a move kills any spark I have and it also makes me feel irrationally angry (he is absolutely no sex pest BTW!) because my head just goes on a wobble as it feels like a demand even though it isn't!

Eye contact is affected too and sometimes I feel.like I don't know what I'm doing, even though that's not true at all (been having sex 25 years!)

I'll have a day where I'm in the mood and I'll be thinking tonight is the night, then I get in bed and all this hits me and I'll be stone cold.

It's so frustrating as I like sex a lot! But my ND and PDA makes it a mental chore :(

I suspect my autism is part of why I don’t really like sex and have decided not to do it ever again.
I don’t like all the faffing and fluttery touches, stroking etc.
I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t such a blimmin performance.

I find a bit the opposite..
I have ADHD and I'm quite hypersexual...love touch and closeness with my OH, it grounds me in the present moment and stops my busy mind fluttering for a bit.
I guess neurodjvergent has such different impact with different people so will affect sex lives differently xx

PDA is tricky. Maybe you just need spur of the moment sex before your brain has time to think about it.

I have asd. I like the passion and the orgasm but the fluids and squelching is gross. Luckily the wanting sex mutes that a bit but I have to really be in the mood.

I get what you mean though if my husband initiates I find it off putting but I rarely initiate because I need to be put in the mood! So it has to be a mutual understanding. (My husband is not aware of this!)

Adhd and asd here and love sex.

The 'can anyone relate' part of the title is relevant I think!

And I love sex when it's happening. I just have a mental block around the pressure of feeling obligated to do it. Even though I want to.

It's very frustrating

Agree. I have ADHD and once my head is in the game, I'm ok (generally) but sometimes it's really hard work to get there. Like a proper mental wrestle to get everything to align.

I also have to try really really hard to focus and to not verbalise some of the chaos thoughts that come into my head. Nobody wants to be asked the name of Selma Blair's character in Cruel Intentions when they're mid-sex, but that's when my brain decides to unearth that thought. Have to keep a lid on those...

Mostly I would prefer to give than receive, apart from the odd times when all the stars align. The closeness of it is enough for me, but I do understand that it's not ideal from the partner perspective.

I hear this so much

So many times I just randomly start talking about something and realise how much of a mood killer it is. My brain just never stops

I have both ADHD and Autism. I absolutely love sex, but it isn’t always the easiest. I feel like my ADHD makes me hypersexual and I love the closeness, stimulation and if I’m able to relax, my brain switches off during it.

However, being autistic means I’m also easily overstimulated, especially at certain points in my cycle. It was like a glass shattering when I found out that the menstrual cycle can affect my sensory issues, they’re always a lot worse and I’m more likely to have meltdowns.

If my DH initiates sometimes I can feel agitated and over stimulated. Sometimes the sensory input from sex can be too much and (weird, I know) I sometimes have to stim after orgasm to calm down etc. Luckily my DH doesn’t care in the slightest, we can even laugh about it.

I really relate to the eye contact thing (I think this is why doggy style is my favourite), I also relate to having it in my head that we’re having sex that day for it to then feel like I can’t switch off. It’s really frustrating as sex is one of my favourite things and helps the bond and closeness between my DH and I.