I'm writing this almost in a cathartic way and it's long so I understand if people don't answer!
I feel bad for not going to see a friend today but I'm feeling completely drained with the whole situation:
She is in an abusive relationship. I have tried everything to be supportive. Been there for her, listened for hours and hours (whilst she doesn't ask about me), been to lots and lots of medical appointments with her as her partner wouldn't go and she didn't want to go on her own.
The medical appointments are pregnancy related. She is having a complex pregnancy with lots of issues having got pregnant on purpose although she knew he didn't want a baby and is abusive.
The abuse is financial, emotional and has at times been physical. This has been reported and she has been part of the Marac process so she has lots of support in place. She still rings me most days for some support.
I have helped where I can and we do have fun as a friendship as well.
However I am finding that there is always a crisis and when there is a crisis I am expected to drop everything and help which I have done on multiple occasions but because it's happening so often today I just wasn't willing to do it.
I'm not really asking if it was unreasonable because I know I'm at my absolute limit with it. She doesn't seem to understand that I have to balance a lot of other things and not just her. She used to come round for dinner a lot but always had to bring her dog but now she can't as my lodger is terrified of dogs.
Just looking for some solidarity if possible and suggestions for moving forward.
Today I had lunch booked with a friendship group. She asked if I could cancel it and take her to the sexual health clinic as she had discovered the partner has been cheating on her. I said yes and was going to take her. (I know that makes me a bad friend to the others but they all still went rather than me letting one person down but I do feel guilty.)
The reason the sexual health clinic was needed with urgency is that she is worried if she has caught something it will pass to the baby.
I said I would take her after my appointment which finished at 12. I rang her when I was about to leave and she said the sexual health clinic had closed at 12 and she was going to get tested at her drs Monday. I'm working Monday but I wouldn't go to her gps with her anyway.
She said let's do something anyway, I need to. I said actually if you don't need me to take you to the appointment I am going to stay at home. (There is a reason for this as my son is moving away on Sunday so I wanted to see him as he happened to be home and my lunch had been cancelled as I had cancelled it.)
She started crying on the phone and said she needed to go. I said ok bye and haven't heard from her since. It was only this morning.
So I feel guilty as she needed me but she regularly needs me and it's having a negative impact on the time I can see my friends and family. I would never expect someone to cancel plans to take me to an appointment and I would never expect a mum to come and see me rather than spend time with her son when he is moving out the next day.
So I'm not sure if I should continue to provide what support I can and just put in boundaries when it's too much or take a step back altogether.
I wonder if I've done so much she now expects way too much. The cheating has happened multiple times before and she takes him back so it is going to keep happening. I know that's horrendous but again, I don't feel that it's fair to expect me to drop everything at the expense of my children every time he cheats when she is choosing to take him back when she knows he is cheating.
Part of me wants to ring her this evening to see if she is ok but the other part things that is just encouraging her to rely on me even more.
I know it's not up to me whether she ends the relationship and I just need to be supportive which I have tried to be but I also think it's a lot to ask of someone to keep talking to them every single day about an abusive relationship but not be willing to leave. She lives in a house that she owns and is a higher earner. The house is not in his name and he has no rights to it (they have a cohabitation agreement so if she wants him to leave he gets nothing.) he doesn't pay for anything.
The only reason she is keeping him around is because she wants a second baby in a couple of years. The trouble is the first baby will witness all the abuse in that time so I understand the desperate want to have another baby but I just don't think she is being protective/ fair to the one she is pregnant with so maybe that's why I am finding it all too much.