Raging at conspiracy theorist ex

[StarDolphins]

I’m so upset & raging at what’s just happened. Ex turns up to collect DD & she mentions she’s got a sticker as she had her nasal flu vac yesterday. He starts ranting about vaccines & i shouldn’t have agreed with out his consent & all sorts of other stuff infront of DD. I told him I’d let him know next time but that she would still be having it & he doesn’t agree, he can take me to court.

He also openly talks in front of her about his admiration of trump, Andrew Tate, Russell brand, new world order, government changing of weather, putin etc. he often calls me a feminist too. He continually points out to DD how women are lesser I.e while driving he’ll say ‘knew this would be a woman’.

He then taps my water filter & says ‘says it all about you’ looks at DD & says he’ll ring the ‘loony asylum’ for mummy.

I’m absolutely raging & upset. I don’t want her to grow up like this😩 Any advice on how I offset this? I’m very upset.

On the flu jab - he won’t win there as you’ll make sure she has it. And on Tate, she’s more likely to see it as disgusting as she’s a girl. You would have more to worry about if she was a boy, I think.

Humour might get you a long way- ‘isn’t Daddy silly saying girls can’t do X!!’ - rather than getting angry with him as she might feel she needs to stand up for him.

This. The ops being given some silly advice here by posters trying to be hyperbolic. I’ve got an even more distressing story than this regarding my nephew, he’s also been awarded similar contact with his father. The most frustrating thing about our case is that the judge himself was a massive misogynist and completely went against even ss and cafcass advice during the hearing. Without knowing what her relationship is like with her father apart from his silly views, my go to wouldn’t be to ban her from having any relationship with him at all. I guess the risk comes down to whether he’s the type to go to court or not

Is he into drugs? That often goes hand in hand with conspiracy theorist stuff. If he's taking illegal drugs then that will help your case.

I will mention it to her teacher I think.

That’s interesting, thank you. How much contact did your DS have with his DGPs?

I’m hoping 1 day a week v 6 days with me will be enough.

No, no drugs. It’s the oddest of transformations. He used to be so different. Now he thinks we’re all being slowly killed. Not him though, he’s the only sensible & intelligent person left apparently.

My children don't really have any male role models related to them but I can recommend to you Junior Park Run and local chess clubs! Lots of sensible men at both who make everyone welcome.

You can't limit contact because someone is a dickhead, sadly.

Oh gosh, this is scary.

I wouldn’t stop contact because she needs it. I have said to him I’ll be monitoring it & it’s got to stop so I’m hoping that’s enough. I don’t think he would go to court & he’s never asked for more contact but I won’t stop contact anyway. I will try & limit it but won’t do it on the back of this. After Christmas, I’ll just shave some time off the visits. She never complains when he wants me to pick her up early when he goes out so I think this will work. She’s 6 months into playing out on our cul-de-sac with her friends on the estate so I can use this as a reason. I don’t think he’ll complain.

Thank you, will try both of these.

She spends a lot of time at her friends locally & her dad is lovely & I point all the lovely boys /men out constantly to her & explain why they’re nice. She knows her own dad is arrogant & full of himself as she points it out to me so I have hope!

Good point, thank you. It’s hard for me though to be calm & not argue my case but I will force myself. Agree with the fact she’s a girl might make it easier!

Stupid judgemental comment!
Trump and covid has brought out the stupid in some people

Probably a whole weekend once every 5 or 6 weeks. But he listened intently…

Others have given good advice, I would just add: have you tried talking about the conspiracies with DD? Properly diving into them and discussing how and why they're ridiculous? We do something like that after visits to relatives with similar (albeit less extreme) views.

Use it as something to laugh about and bond over so she sees it as something ridiculous rather than something scary. It will help with developing her own thinking skills too. And when he starts on with his nonsense during handover you might both give each other a little glance or eye roll, to diffuse the tension and help her feel safe.

I do sympathise though. It's difficult to know how to deal with these people, especially since they've increased in number since social media fried everybody's brains. We're all going to have to be on a steep learning curve, especially since 74 million such people have just elected one of their own to the most powerful position in the world.

Scouts/cubs might be good for positive male role models. They take girls now don't they?

Thank you this is good advice. I think she will mention it later so I will have a think on how to word it properly so I don’t blurt out “don’t worry darling, he’s fucking nuts”

She does already notice some of his more unusual traits already so I think your suggestion is a good one.

I have a couple on my FB too, there’s definitely more of them about. My friend has gone low contact with her brother due to this. Again, all started around Covid.

I suggested this along with kick boxing but she wasn’t keen. I really don’t want to resort to having to get a boyfriend for this purpose🤣 so I will have to find some good male role models somewhere!

We’re going to see my first boyfriend’s parents tomorrow & the husband is really lovely so that’s good & we see them reasonably often. But I need someone weekly at some sort of club I think.

This is a bit random but if you're ever in Scotland take her to the Loch Ness visitor centre.

It carefully, critically and in a child-friendly way, unpicks the possible arguments for Nessie existing or not.

I thought it was great.

Having a woo person in the family can be a bit of a resource sometimes.

Hmm maybe something like junior music theatre then?

I went to a show last night and was thinking what great role models the tween and teen boys are, as well as the producer, music director etc. Dads make scenery, do the lights and sound etc.

Thank you! I’m in the midlands but if I ever go, will make sure we go here! Sounds great!

I’ve just been reading that how to spot conspiracy theorists/extremism is in the curriculum so I will mention this to her teacher I think.

Thank you, this is more something she would do I think. Good idea. There’s also a drama league that do pantos with boys/men in that she could audition for!