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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner contributing to chores

5 replies

R0o · 08/11/2024 22:29

Hiya,

I’m feeling hurt by what my partner has said this evening, when I asked him to wash the pots after they’ve been sitting there since Tuesday!
Can anyone tell me if I’m expecting too much or whether he’s just being a pr*ck?

For background: we both work full time Monday - Friday at the same company. Thankfully not the same team - but we met at work 14 years ago.
His wage is about £40K more than mine.

We are both out of the house the same hours every day in the week and granted his role is a lot more stressful than mine.

We have a 2 and 7 year old and I do the lions share around the house, especially when it comes to sorting the kids washing/uniforms/any school admin/appointments… you know how it goes.
He does his fair share though in terms of sorting the kids 50% with getting sorted in the mornings/bedtimes/taking to school/nursery/clubs etc.
He deals with anything financially like the mortgage coming up, renewing our bills etc.

This evening I made a comment about him doing the pots (that I’ve purposely left from Tuesday when I did them- wondering when he’d eventually get to them!) and he’s just gone off on one. Apparently I used “too many pots” over the last couple of days to make OUR teas so he feels like I’ve done him over!!
When this set me off he ends up saying how if I want more out of him in terms of the household chores then I need to start financially contributing more!!
Baring in mind like I said - he’s on 40 grand more than me and the split towards the mortgage/bills/childcare is 60/40 to him. So I know he puts more in but still… wtf?!

I could understand if I was working part time or less hours than him but I’m out the house as much as he is doing the same contractual hours! Apparently he works “harder” than me - which is true but what a d*ck move and it really hurt me ☹️

so yeah, I have to pay more to see him do more basically round his own house.
what do you think? It’s really taken me back tbh and I just don’t recognise who he is tonight.

thank you x

OP posts:
FollowingForTheCraic · 08/11/2024 22:41

I earn more than my husband. Of course I don't do less at home, why would I? That's pure sexism - I would bet you anything he would change his tune if you earned more.

Camelphat · 08/11/2024 22:44

Is he the sort of man that loads the dishwasher "for you"?

halloumidippers · 09/11/2024 15:48

Ugh, OP he sounds awful.
We have a chore rule in our house. Within reason... if one of us is doing a chore the other one does too. Not even the same thing. So I'll cook dinner he will sort out some bills/admin. He'll do the ironing and I'll sort the washing up.
It's actually worked out we get loads more of our odd jobs done this way (cleaning the fridge etc) because we both look for something when the other one is busy,

Nanny0gg · 09/11/2024 17:41

He'd be doing it all if he was on his own...

JustWalkingTheDogs · 09/11/2024 18:06

That's just not on at all. His behaviour simply tells me what a selfish, self centred prick he is.

I earn more than my dh and pay more of the bills, but I'd never in a million years think it's ok for me not to do 50% of the household chores.

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